I've read many articles recently about "Saving the Family Dinner", like it's a lost art or something. You know, busy families running kids here and there, with no time to sit together and dine as a family, and then this lack of family togetherness is what causes 50 percent of parents to divorce and a 70 percent increase in children who run wild and get tattoos and piercings.
Since I want to be a Super Great Mother, and I don't want to become a statistic, and of course I don't want my children running off to get piercings, we sit together for dinner at least five nights of the week.
We must be an abnormal family according to all those statistics, because most nights, I have the feeling that this lovely family gathering we call dinner shall be our undoing.
You know I love a little dialogue to give you a peek into my world, so here's a sampling from our dinner table (I just don't have the energy to get into breakfast and lunch):
Microwave beep goes off, L announces, "Dinnah's weady!"
G frantically informs me that HIS food goes on the BLUE plate. I rearrange food on satisfactory plates.
Me - Everybody sit down, it's time to eat!
G - I don't want to sit THERE, I can't see my cartoons!
L - Cartooooons!!
G sits where he can see cartoons.
G - But I can't HEAR it.
Husband turns TV up to 6 million decibels so it can be heard at the table.
Dinner is placed on the table. I have hope that THIS time, dinner will be a pleasant shared activity, and that cartoons shall keep the peace.
L begins shoveling in food like a trucker (such a DAINTY girl!)
G obsessively lines up all of his food on his plate. G lines up 57 plastic toy animals around his plate to watch him eat. G requests "food" for his larger animals, who are sitting on the floor - I prepare them a bowl of water with colored sprinkles.
G pronounces that he doesn't like any of his food. We tell him he will be very hungry later.
L tries to steal some extra food off G's plate.
G - L is taking my food!!
Husband - L, eat your own food. G, you weren't eating it anyway.
G - But I was GOIN' to.
Husband and I take our first bites of dinner.
G - I'm done.
L - I done too.
Me - You will sit there while we eat, then. This is family time.
G - Poop.
Me - We don't talk like that at the table. That is a bathroom word.
L - (whispers) Poop.
G - L said poop!!!!
Husband - Well, you started that. You're supposed to be a good example for your sister. Now stop.
G - (quietly) Pee pee. Poop.
Me - Enough. No more bathroom words at the table.
L - BAFROOM WORDS!
G - L said bathroom words!
Husband - Both of you knock it off. We're trying to eat.
L - (whispers) Goose poop.
G laughs hysterically. "GOOSE POOP!"
I put my head down and try not to choke on my food. (You must know that I taught L to say "goose poop" because husband hates "oo" words, and I thought it would be a fun party trick for a rainy day.)
Husband - You guys are DONE. Go in the living room while we finish our supper. What do you say?
G - May I be may I be excused? (not a typo, he says it like that every time)
L - Be 'cused?
Husband and I, in unison - YES.
Me - (whisper) Rooney Doodle.*
Husband - You're done too.
*Note:
Member of the DoodleBops, who, as a special bonus for husband, has two pleasing "oo"s in his name - Google that if you're not a mom of a preschooler. God bless the mothers of yore who only had to deal with Barney.
Since I want to be a Super Great Mother, and I don't want to become a statistic, and of course I don't want my children running off to get piercings, we sit together for dinner at least five nights of the week.
We must be an abnormal family according to all those statistics, because most nights, I have the feeling that this lovely family gathering we call dinner shall be our undoing.
You know I love a little dialogue to give you a peek into my world, so here's a sampling from our dinner table (I just don't have the energy to get into breakfast and lunch):
Microwave beep goes off, L announces, "Dinnah's weady!"
G frantically informs me that HIS food goes on the BLUE plate. I rearrange food on satisfactory plates.
Me - Everybody sit down, it's time to eat!
G - I don't want to sit THERE, I can't see my cartoons!
L - Cartooooons!!
G sits where he can see cartoons.
G - But I can't HEAR it.
Husband turns TV up to 6 million decibels so it can be heard at the table.
Dinner is placed on the table. I have hope that THIS time, dinner will be a pleasant shared activity, and that cartoons shall keep the peace.
L begins shoveling in food like a trucker (such a DAINTY girl!)
G obsessively lines up all of his food on his plate. G lines up 57 plastic toy animals around his plate to watch him eat. G requests "food" for his larger animals, who are sitting on the floor - I prepare them a bowl of water with colored sprinkles.
G pronounces that he doesn't like any of his food. We tell him he will be very hungry later.
L tries to steal some extra food off G's plate.
G - L is taking my food!!
Husband - L, eat your own food. G, you weren't eating it anyway.
G - But I was GOIN' to.
Husband and I take our first bites of dinner.
G - I'm done.
L - I done too.
Me - You will sit there while we eat, then. This is family time.
G - Poop.
Me - We don't talk like that at the table. That is a bathroom word.
L - (whispers) Poop.
G - L said poop!!!!
Husband - Well, you started that. You're supposed to be a good example for your sister. Now stop.
G - (quietly) Pee pee. Poop.
Me - Enough. No more bathroom words at the table.
L - BAFROOM WORDS!
G - L said bathroom words!
Husband - Both of you knock it off. We're trying to eat.
L - (whispers) Goose poop.
G laughs hysterically. "GOOSE POOP!"
I put my head down and try not to choke on my food. (You must know that I taught L to say "goose poop" because husband hates "oo" words, and I thought it would be a fun party trick for a rainy day.)
Husband - You guys are DONE. Go in the living room while we finish our supper. What do you say?
G - May I be may I be excused? (not a typo, he says it like that every time)
L - Be 'cused?
Husband and I, in unison - YES.
Me - (whisper) Rooney Doodle.*
Husband - You're done too.
*Note:
Member of the DoodleBops, who, as a special bonus for husband, has two pleasing "oo"s in his name - Google that if you're not a mom of a preschooler. God bless the mothers of yore who only had to deal with Barney.
4 Comments:
Too funny~!
We don't do the family dinner often enough these days I'm afraid. With the upcoming move my husband is working past 7 every night to finish things up. Ever try making a 2 year old wait until after 7 for supper? Not fun. Ever try making ME wait until after 7 for supper? Even LESS fun!
When we DO sit down for a family dinner, or we go out to eat, there are no books or newspapers for the adults at the table, and no TV for the kids. Just my thing. Then again, my kids aren't old enough to be REALLY irritating yet.
"Goose poop"...hilarious!
I'm hoping this stage will pass and that someday I will have actual humans sitting at my table, who have manners and everything!
Yes, goose poop. Anything to drive hubby crazy :)
Ha! I love it! I just showed him your comment, Lucy. He says "it doesn't bother him like it used to". yeah RIGHT.
I feel for your husband... but I'm totally on your side, because what are husbands FOR if not for our amusement?
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