You might want to say a little prayer for GARRETT'S BEHIND tonight.

A month since I've posted? WHAT? Time sure flies when you're LOSING YOUR EVER LOVING MIND. Seriously, girls. I don't EVEN know where to start. So hold on to your hats - here's a totally random catch-up post (I knowwwwwww - do I do ANY OTHER KIND, lately?)

The cake business is booming, at least most weeks. I've opened my own credit card account and checking account for Stacey's Sweets, and have ordered adorable new business cards.

There is talk of a cake shop in my VERY DISTANT future. Or I'll be back to teaching within the next five years. That is a blog for another day.

I got my second speeding ticket recently. I got a "break" because the cop's wife is a teacher too - he wrote "35 mph in a 25 zone" instead of the actual 37 mph I was really going. I was also accused of "having an attitude". And it cost me two cakes worth of money. Fun times! Again, a blog for the near future.

We're about to enter the annual Month Of Hell at the Crazy Mama household - my birthday, hubby's birthday, Laura's birthday, and our anniversary, all in the month of April. At least Easter is early this year!

I finished reading "The Other Boleyn Girl" and am now obsessed with learning about The Middle Ages - "Elizabeth" is waiting for me in my DVD player as we speak. I also bought "A New Earth" and "Pillars Of The Earth", but haven't started them yet. My mind can really only handle verrrry simmmmmple worrrrrrds at the moment, and both of those seem slightly intimidating to jump into.

My husband and I went out alone, to see a grown up movie! WHEEEE! We saw "Juno", and it was fabulous.

We're THREE FOR THREE on "Old Ladies Shaming Us Publically For Our Bad Behavior At Walmart" - can't WAIT to blog THAT one - you'll love it. Yes. I have been called out THREE TIMES now at Walmart by COMPLETE STRANGERS. Can you even believe I was allowed to have children? Um, maybe don't answer that.

I finally got SO sick of the constant toy disaster that I call a home (and Garrett and Laura's continual refusal to clean-up at night without crying, whining, and much dramatics) that I actually took ALL THE TOYS away, down to the very last Lego. I haven't taken the photographic evidence yet, but there are six giant trash bags in my storage room. I expect to make a small fortune at the consignment shop in the very near future.


And before you report me to Child Services, I did let them keep ONE small tub of toys and their play kitchen. Don't worry - they have found PLENTY of other ways to entertain themselves...

Our basement is flooding right this VERY moment, and I think the ceiling in the kitchen may actually fall in tonight.

I'm an official soccer mom - Garrett had his first practice tonight!

Delaney's 6 month well-baby checkup is tomorrow - remind me to tell you why she will actually be 7 and 1/2 months old at the appointment. If you ever think I had it together (why would you?), you WON'T after you hear about that.


I instituted a behavior policy in our house, a-la-former-kindergarten teacher, which worked miracles for approximately 52 hours.


See how it's not working NOW? Witness: MY SON IS IN REALLY, REALLY DEEP SHIT.





In case you're wondering, the pictures above are Garrett's rendition of a soccer field (plus one train picture, thrown in for good measure, I guess) covering my ENTIRE BASEMENT, all done in BLUE MARKER. I was cooking supper at the time, and my husband I were both present in the house. I had just given the markers back three days ago (after the incident back in August where he drew on my brand new couch in red marker).

I have no words, people. NO WORDS (except for LOTS AND LOTS OF BAD ONES). But Delaney seems to know exactly how I feel.