If you've read any of my previous blogs, you know that I was a teacher for 7 years, kindergarten mostly, and just quit in May. I haven't said much about my teaching years, but I figure now that I'm no longer employed as a teacher, I can't be fired for anything I write on my blog, so the field is wide open!
I noticed at Walmart today that the school supplies are out in full force - the First Day Back is nearly upon us! So today, I'm posting THINGS NOT TO DO WHEN YOUR KIDS GO TO PUBLIC SCHOOL. This one is long, but hey, I'm unemployed and my kids are in bed - what else have I got to do?
Now, some of you are teachers. You KNOW these things, and I'm pretty sure you'll agree with my advice. Some of you have kids in school - pay attention! Some of you have babies or toddlers who are not yet in school - print this for future reference. And, some of you may homeschool or don't have children...so ignore me.
Rule 1. Buy EXACTLY what's on the school supply list. If it says "Elmer's Washable School Glue", don't buy "Crazy Kids Blue Gel Raspberry Scented Glue." It will be thrown away, and your child's teacher will have to make a trip to Walmart to get a 10 cent bottle of what she originally asked for. Everything is on sale at Walmart - it is not cheaper to go to the Dollar Store.
Rule 2. Remember that your child stops crying as soon as you leave. It is a ploy to make you feel guilty for leaving them. Go! Enjoy your day! (And yes, I do plan on standing outside the window of G's preschool weeping, until the teacher knocks on it and shoos me away. But still.)
Rule 3. Quit complaining about the cost of school supplies! I was once in the school supply aisle when I heard a parent complaining about MY LIST...*cringe*. I know it's really expensive...but to put it in perspective, I spent anywhere from $200 - $500 of my own money on my class each year that I was teaching. And while some teachers ONLY spend their teeny tiny classroom budget, MOST of the ones I know pitch in quite a bit of their own moolah on your kiddos.
Rule 4. Please teach your child to button, zip, and tie shoes before they go to kindergarten. PLEAAAAAASE. And darn it, if they can't do it, that's what VELCRO is for.
Rule 5. Don't roll your eyes at our "summers off"...if you are feeling envious, go get your teacher certification and give it a whirl! School goes roughly from August 15 to May 20. Add to that a week cleaning and boxing up your classroom in May, teaching summer school for another 3 to 4 weeks, using "summer break" to take college classes, attend conferences, and plan for the next year, going back August 1 to get your room ready, and attending teacher's meetings for 4 days before school actually begins.
Yes, it's still a great schedule (especially for moms), but it's not like we have three wild and crazy months of laying in a hammock picking our fingernails and drinking pina coladas while ignoring our own children. We only get to do that for like, 2 weeks, tops. Jeesh.
Rule 6. Don't send your teacher rude, nasty, or weird letters. Just so you know, we copy those, put them in our files, and show them to all the other teachers and our family members. And then EVERYBODY knows that you are One Of THOSE Parents. If you cannot stand your teacher, politely schedule a conference and tell her what the problem is. And don't be rude. Do you react well when people are rude to you? Neither do teachers.
One of my favorite weird letters was written on the back of a cigarette package and read, "Sorry __ didnt ware her teena shoes today for gym." Heeheehee! Another favorite, "You just quit making __ stay in to do make up werk. He did that werk. Your just being mean. You better quit now or else." OOOOOOH. And you know the typos freaked me out more than the threat.
Rule 7. Don't go around telling everybody you know how AWFUL Mrs. Meanie is. She is more than likely trying her very hardest to be a super great teacher to every student in her class...she spent 4 or more years training to be a teacher and does it because she LIKES teaching. Remember, teachers have to try to accomodate 20-30 students at a time, and almost all the teachers I've known do that quite well. And if the thought of your PRESH-US ANGEL not being the ONLY ONE in the room makes you want to bite someone, I would suggest exploring other schooling options.
Rule 8. Don't send your kid to school in brand new, way expensive clothes. I once got one of those Weird, Nasty letters from a mom whose son came home with his expensive, white football jersey covered in red frosting. I called her and explained to her about the magic of Spray N Wash. And you know, if she'd read the class newsletter, she'd have known that Tuesday was Red Day and we would be making Fire Engine Cookies. Hel-lo!
Rule 9. Read the damn newsletter. Put it on your fridge!
Rule 10. Dollar Store Gifts = Bad. They go to garage sales, 'cause even though it's the thought that counts, I just have not got a good spot for a blue ceramic elephant (real gift!). If you want to give your teacher a little gift (which really is wonderful and might help your child get better grades in school, and also might help your teacher overlook some of your child's annoying habits- just KIDDING. Sort of.), here are some things that I have enjoyed or saved that still make my heart melt:
Cards with handwritten sentiments from parents or children, pictures drawn or crafts made by my students, a giant homemade cookie on my birthday, small gift certificates to stores I love (get to KNOW what your teacher loves!), a package of bottled Starbucks Frappucinos (you KNOW that kid got an A).
And if you don't really have money to spend on teacher gifts - don't! Just tell the teacher now and then that you appreciate her. Trust me, she'll blush with delight and then be extra nice to her class all day long. Everybody wins!
Rule 11. Don't hover in the classroom. If school rules say kids come to the room at 8, come at 8. Don't come at 7:30 to watch me finish lesson plans, or leave your child for me to babysit. A happy teacher is a teacher who can go pee and finish making her copies in the morning.
Rule 12. Do stuff with your kid. Read to them now and then, help them color a picture, DON'T do their homework for them. Education does not end at 3:30, and the teacher cannot be held responsible for magically turning your child into a perfect student. I gave some help-at-home suggestions to the parent of a struggling child one year, and her response was, "Aren't YOU the one who went to college for this?" said while rolling her eyes at me.
Rule 13. If you'll only believe half of what your kid tells you about the teacher, the TEACHER will only believe half of the stuff your kid tells HER about YOU. You would not BELIEVE the stuff they tell us about you. Teachers have dirt on you, and you probably don't even know it. Don't worry, they won't really believe most of it, and won't actually use the info - unless provoked by a Weird, Nasty Letter.
Now, have a fun school year! Do it up with STYLE and CLASS (no pun intended).
*Insert picture of me at my teacher desk giving advice here*
Blogger hates me.
I noticed at Walmart today that the school supplies are out in full force - the First Day Back is nearly upon us! So today, I'm posting THINGS NOT TO DO WHEN YOUR KIDS GO TO PUBLIC SCHOOL. This one is long, but hey, I'm unemployed and my kids are in bed - what else have I got to do?
Now, some of you are teachers. You KNOW these things, and I'm pretty sure you'll agree with my advice. Some of you have kids in school - pay attention! Some of you have babies or toddlers who are not yet in school - print this for future reference. And, some of you may homeschool or don't have children...so ignore me.
Rule 1. Buy EXACTLY what's on the school supply list. If it says "Elmer's Washable School Glue", don't buy "Crazy Kids Blue Gel Raspberry Scented Glue." It will be thrown away, and your child's teacher will have to make a trip to Walmart to get a 10 cent bottle of what she originally asked for. Everything is on sale at Walmart - it is not cheaper to go to the Dollar Store.
Rule 2. Remember that your child stops crying as soon as you leave. It is a ploy to make you feel guilty for leaving them. Go! Enjoy your day! (And yes, I do plan on standing outside the window of G's preschool weeping, until the teacher knocks on it and shoos me away. But still.)
Rule 3. Quit complaining about the cost of school supplies! I was once in the school supply aisle when I heard a parent complaining about MY LIST...*cringe*. I know it's really expensive...but to put it in perspective, I spent anywhere from $200 - $500 of my own money on my class each year that I was teaching. And while some teachers ONLY spend their teeny tiny classroom budget, MOST of the ones I know pitch in quite a bit of their own moolah on your kiddos.
Rule 4. Please teach your child to button, zip, and tie shoes before they go to kindergarten. PLEAAAAAASE. And darn it, if they can't do it, that's what VELCRO is for.
Rule 5. Don't roll your eyes at our "summers off"...if you are feeling envious, go get your teacher certification and give it a whirl! School goes roughly from August 15 to May 20. Add to that a week cleaning and boxing up your classroom in May, teaching summer school for another 3 to 4 weeks, using "summer break" to take college classes, attend conferences, and plan for the next year, going back August 1 to get your room ready, and attending teacher's meetings for 4 days before school actually begins.
Yes, it's still a great schedule (especially for moms), but it's not like we have three wild and crazy months of laying in a hammock picking our fingernails and drinking pina coladas while ignoring our own children. We only get to do that for like, 2 weeks, tops. Jeesh.
Rule 6. Don't send your teacher rude, nasty, or weird letters. Just so you know, we copy those, put them in our files, and show them to all the other teachers and our family members. And then EVERYBODY knows that you are One Of THOSE Parents. If you cannot stand your teacher, politely schedule a conference and tell her what the problem is. And don't be rude. Do you react well when people are rude to you? Neither do teachers.
One of my favorite weird letters was written on the back of a cigarette package and read, "Sorry __ didnt ware her teena shoes today for gym." Heeheehee! Another favorite, "You just quit making __ stay in to do make up werk. He did that werk. Your just being mean. You better quit now or else." OOOOOOH. And you know the typos freaked me out more than the threat.
Rule 7. Don't go around telling everybody you know how AWFUL Mrs. Meanie is. She is more than likely trying her very hardest to be a super great teacher to every student in her class...she spent 4 or more years training to be a teacher and does it because she LIKES teaching. Remember, teachers have to try to accomodate 20-30 students at a time, and almost all the teachers I've known do that quite well. And if the thought of your PRESH-US ANGEL not being the ONLY ONE in the room makes you want to bite someone, I would suggest exploring other schooling options.
Rule 8. Don't send your kid to school in brand new, way expensive clothes. I once got one of those Weird, Nasty letters from a mom whose son came home with his expensive, white football jersey covered in red frosting. I called her and explained to her about the magic of Spray N Wash. And you know, if she'd read the class newsletter, she'd have known that Tuesday was Red Day and we would be making Fire Engine Cookies. Hel-lo!
Rule 9. Read the damn newsletter. Put it on your fridge!
Rule 10. Dollar Store Gifts = Bad. They go to garage sales, 'cause even though it's the thought that counts, I just have not got a good spot for a blue ceramic elephant (real gift!). If you want to give your teacher a little gift (which really is wonderful and might help your child get better grades in school, and also might help your teacher overlook some of your child's annoying habits- just KIDDING. Sort of.), here are some things that I have enjoyed or saved that still make my heart melt:
Cards with handwritten sentiments from parents or children, pictures drawn or crafts made by my students, a giant homemade cookie on my birthday, small gift certificates to stores I love (get to KNOW what your teacher loves!), a package of bottled Starbucks Frappucinos (you KNOW that kid got an A).
And if you don't really have money to spend on teacher gifts - don't! Just tell the teacher now and then that you appreciate her. Trust me, she'll blush with delight and then be extra nice to her class all day long. Everybody wins!
Rule 11. Don't hover in the classroom. If school rules say kids come to the room at 8, come at 8. Don't come at 7:30 to watch me finish lesson plans, or leave your child for me to babysit. A happy teacher is a teacher who can go pee and finish making her copies in the morning.
Rule 12. Do stuff with your kid. Read to them now and then, help them color a picture, DON'T do their homework for them. Education does not end at 3:30, and the teacher cannot be held responsible for magically turning your child into a perfect student. I gave some help-at-home suggestions to the parent of a struggling child one year, and her response was, "Aren't YOU the one who went to college for this?" said while rolling her eyes at me.
Rule 13. If you'll only believe half of what your kid tells you about the teacher, the TEACHER will only believe half of the stuff your kid tells HER about YOU. You would not BELIEVE the stuff they tell us about you. Teachers have dirt on you, and you probably don't even know it. Don't worry, they won't really believe most of it, and won't actually use the info - unless provoked by a Weird, Nasty Letter.
Now, have a fun school year! Do it up with STYLE and CLASS (no pun intended).
*Insert picture of me at my teacher desk giving advice here*
Blogger hates me.
5 Comments:
LOVE IT! Having been a parent with school kids for so many years now and still one more to go, I agree with this list so much! I have watched too many parents with bad attitudes and/or hoity-toity perceptions send their "perfect" child to school to only have them be the most annoying child in the classroom. (yep, there's a reason I didn't finish my teaching degree...I would have been fired by now for spanking a few too many kids). The only thing I would add to the list is
Tell your child that the teacher is in charge. Any teacher. Any substitute teacher. Any teacher's aide. They get paid to be in charge and the child is REQUIRED to obey them!!!!
Can I just say, I'm not a teacher or even a parent yet, and I was not only rolling on the floor laughing at this post, but also going "OMIGOSH, people are dumb enough to DO THAT STUFF????"
Seriously - I think certain parents need to take sensitivity and life-skills training before being allowed to procreated.
I am only guilty of one...the school supply thing. But, I have more than made up for it in great teacher gifts! Stacey we are going to really miss you! Come back to us soon.
Ginger, Ginger...green glue that lights up?? Oh, where do I begin?
Nice white glue. Washable. Everybody has the SAME thing...nice, washable, white glue that kids don't want to play with inside their desks while I am teaching a math lesson. Dries nice and clear with very little mess. Little white glue bottles that are easily to refill with my gigantic bottle of Elmer's washable.
And in a more sane train of thought, Elmer's Washable White School Glue is the only kind of glue (trust me on this one) that comes out of the bottle like it should, without clogging and dripping, and without excessive squeezing.
Green glue that lights up. My ex-teacher's heart just palpitated a little. Oh dear.
YES!!!! This should probably be handed out to all parents. But here is my confession. I have been away from teaching for 2-3 years and I think I may be turning into one of those parents. UGH! Thanks for setting me straight. My kids teachers will be so grateful. Still can't figure out password.
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