I have two toddlers. I'm getting ready to take on a babysitting gig for a 2 month old baby (and yes, I have lost my mind, thanks for asking!!).
Therefore, my life revolves around pee and poop:
My son was potty trained almost a year ago. I love to occasionally pick up a package of the newest cartoon animated undies and watch as he streaks delightedly around the house in them. And every day at 3:00, I can hear his call of "Help me wipe my BOTTOM!!!" no matter how loud I turn up Dr. Phil.
The baby I'm going to start watching, J, came for a visit the other day. She is a peeing and pooping machine. I forgot that the 9 am, 12 pm, 4 pm, and 7 pm diaper changes that are the basic routine for my 2 year old just don't do it for a 9 week old baby. It's more like every 2 hours. And it is sometimes explosive. But not smelly, which is a plus.
I was a teacher, so when I say I have a bladder of steel, you'd better believe it. But a girl still needs a break now and then, and something always distracts me...'one more load of laundry in and out, then I'll go', or 'hate to go now, the squeak in the hallway and the flush might interrupt that sacred time, known as THEY ARE BOTH SLEEPING AT THE SAME TIME'. And when I finally make the trip to the bathroom, it is never alone. It is with an audience, and if I'm lucky, someone actually on my LAP!
For some reason, my potty breaks inspire my children to break out into full circus mode. Bring in 89 toy animals and line them up around my feet! Bring in the snacks and juice! Turn the water off and on - she can't get up to spank us! Lights off! Lights on! Bring in the BALLOONS! And I'm not kidding. Sometimes there are balloons.
But what is really consuming me right now is potty training my daughter L, who is 27 months old. I've been on and off the potty training fence about 12 times now, but I think now I really mean it. I'm all for letting the child wait until they are READY...G was almost 3, and he really, truly potty trained in a day. I told him "No more diapers. We pee in the potty". End of story. No sweat, and more importantly, no accidents.
But L, she is a different animal. She keeps taking her diaper off and redressing herself, so we don't realize the diaper is missing until we are chasing balls of poop falling from her pant legs. And for three days running, she has woken up in the morning and at naptime totally naked, with pee soaked sheets. I'm going to take these as signs that she would like to be potty trained. I have laughed at the Sarcastic Journalist's (www.shenuts.com) stories of her daughter's "Smear the Poop Campaign" for months. I should not have laughed.
L is not smearing poop, but she is peeing all over my house. I put her in panties today, took her to the bathroom repeatedly, but lets just say I've got a LOT of laundry to catch up on tomorrow. She runs feverishly to the potty, chanting "PEE PEE, PEE PEE!", only for us to find that under the shorts and plastic pants (which must be delightful in our 103 degree, 90 percent humidity weather we've been having), her undies are already soaked.
Although she's already done the job, she faithfully sits on the potty, cocks her head, and says very seriously, "Now, candy." (Yes, I bribe my children with M & M's to perform bodily functions. Note to L: Only when the pee actually GOES IN THE POTTY. No candy has been distributed as of yet.)
So yes, I know it's only been a few days, but I am NOT A PATIENT PERSON. My train in a day experience with G ruined me. I wanted to think that I just happen to breed very cooperative, fast learners, and that I had SKILLS.
And while we're on the topic of naked and peeing children:
(Pretend there are very amusing pictures here. Blogger is not letting me upload them. Coming soon!)
Therefore, my life revolves around pee and poop:
My son was potty trained almost a year ago. I love to occasionally pick up a package of the newest cartoon animated undies and watch as he streaks delightedly around the house in them. And every day at 3:00, I can hear his call of "Help me wipe my BOTTOM!!!" no matter how loud I turn up Dr. Phil.
The baby I'm going to start watching, J, came for a visit the other day. She is a peeing and pooping machine. I forgot that the 9 am, 12 pm, 4 pm, and 7 pm diaper changes that are the basic routine for my 2 year old just don't do it for a 9 week old baby. It's more like every 2 hours. And it is sometimes explosive. But not smelly, which is a plus.
I was a teacher, so when I say I have a bladder of steel, you'd better believe it. But a girl still needs a break now and then, and something always distracts me...'one more load of laundry in and out, then I'll go', or 'hate to go now, the squeak in the hallway and the flush might interrupt that sacred time, known as THEY ARE BOTH SLEEPING AT THE SAME TIME'. And when I finally make the trip to the bathroom, it is never alone. It is with an audience, and if I'm lucky, someone actually on my LAP!
For some reason, my potty breaks inspire my children to break out into full circus mode. Bring in 89 toy animals and line them up around my feet! Bring in the snacks and juice! Turn the water off and on - she can't get up to spank us! Lights off! Lights on! Bring in the BALLOONS! And I'm not kidding. Sometimes there are balloons.
But what is really consuming me right now is potty training my daughter L, who is 27 months old. I've been on and off the potty training fence about 12 times now, but I think now I really mean it. I'm all for letting the child wait until they are READY...G was almost 3, and he really, truly potty trained in a day. I told him "No more diapers. We pee in the potty". End of story. No sweat, and more importantly, no accidents.
But L, she is a different animal. She keeps taking her diaper off and redressing herself, so we don't realize the diaper is missing until we are chasing balls of poop falling from her pant legs. And for three days running, she has woken up in the morning and at naptime totally naked, with pee soaked sheets. I'm going to take these as signs that she would like to be potty trained. I have laughed at the Sarcastic Journalist's (www.shenuts.com) stories of her daughter's "Smear the Poop Campaign" for months. I should not have laughed.
L is not smearing poop, but she is peeing all over my house. I put her in panties today, took her to the bathroom repeatedly, but lets just say I've got a LOT of laundry to catch up on tomorrow. She runs feverishly to the potty, chanting "PEE PEE, PEE PEE!", only for us to find that under the shorts and plastic pants (which must be delightful in our 103 degree, 90 percent humidity weather we've been having), her undies are already soaked.
Although she's already done the job, she faithfully sits on the potty, cocks her head, and says very seriously, "Now, candy." (Yes, I bribe my children with M & M's to perform bodily functions. Note to L: Only when the pee actually GOES IN THE POTTY. No candy has been distributed as of yet.)
So yes, I know it's only been a few days, but I am NOT A PATIENT PERSON. My train in a day experience with G ruined me. I wanted to think that I just happen to breed very cooperative, fast learners, and that I had SKILLS.
And while we're on the topic of naked and peeing children:
(Pretend there are very amusing pictures here. Blogger is not letting me upload them. Coming soon!)
4 Comments:
We hand out tiny bits of gum. I've made the mistake of mentioning "candy" while she sat on the potty and the screaming that commenced almost made me deaf.
That's okay - I think everyone (or almost everyone) who blogs enjoys getting comments... it means that someone is out there, even if they're not next door or related to us, and they're listening and they care enough to say something about what is going on in our little corner of the asylum. You just enjoy those comments all you want.
And I have no suggestions on the potty-training thing - I have yet to walk down that path myself. But I'll keep an eye on what happens with you so that I can learn :D
You are totally insane. I love you.
Thank you Em...and I cannot WAIT until you have that baby and I can buy you Doodlebops videos and then you will be insane with me.
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