Now that I am no longer "working" at an "official" job, I have rediscovered my love for reading GROWN UP books (rather than only those from the Caldecott Award List found in the elementary school library, which required me to read upside down, while holding the pictures face-out for my kindergarteners, and required a lot of silly faces and the use of many different voices).
I love that I can now hold the book right up to my face and do not have to make noises of any sort while reading, unless I'm laughing out loud. Or crying. Depends on the book, of course.
A few I have enjoyed recently: "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown, "Down Came The Rain" by Brooke Shields, "Night" by Elie Wiesel, and at the present, I am working on "The Devil Wears Prada" by Lauren Weisberger...I haven't QUITE finished it.
So, I get about halfway through it and start thinking, "Hmmm...this all sounds so FAMILIAR..."
In "The Devil Wears Prada", a young woman just beginning her career finds herself employed as an assistant to The Monster Of All Bosses. She begins the job, knowing it is a job that "a million girls would die for". She is enthusiastic and excited!
BUT:
This boss leaves incomplete, and ridiculous, messages for her assistant, requiring her to play detective, and often make a fool of herself, in order to please her boss.
This boss is impossibly rude and picky.
This boss expects her employees to read her mind, and when they don't, there is going to be hell to pay.
This boss makes tons of unreasonable demands. Her demands are petty and constant...she even wakes up her assistant in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT to make MORE unreasonable demands.
This boss requests a lot of high calorie, expensive food, which her assistant is always ordering for her, several times a day, yet is still able to wear a very small size of clothing because she never actually EATS any of it.
By the middle of the book, the assistant is exhausted, frustrated, and frankly, feeling a little crazy. Has she made a terrible mistake in taking the job?
Seeing why it seems so FAMILIAR yet?
Here's a hint: These days, I do not have a boss paying me money to put up with her crap. Instead, I am now working as an assistant to two bosses, and they demand that I work for FREE.
Now, mind you, I LOOOOOVE my PRESH-US babies...I do not REALLY think they are the devil in any way, shape, or form. And MOST of the time, being THE MOM and all, I like to think I am the boss.
BUT. The similarities? They are irrefutable. I'm guessing you've got the idea, but I'll give you a few examples anyway.
1. I totally make a fool of myself, on my children's behalf, on a daily basis. Using my shirt to wipe a runny nose, in PUBLIC? No problem! Walking around Walmart with two DumDum suckers hanging out of my mouth because L did not like the particular flavors she unwrapped? Any time! Attempt a quick pee break at the Target restroom, only to have my children asking me VERY LOUDLY, "Mama POOPIN' in here?" Dear God.
2. According to my children, I should read minds! For example, dressing my daughter, L, goes something like this:
Me - (Hand L shorts and shirt)
L - NOT THAT SHIRT!!!
Me - Then which one?
L - The blue one!
Me - Here is the blue one.
L - NOT THAT BLUE ONE. OTHER ONE!
Me - Fine. Here. Do you want help?
L - NO!!!! MYSELF!!!!!
Me - (Leave room so she can do it herself)
L - NO! MAMA HELP!
Me - (Attempt to help)
L - NO! GO 'WAY!
Me - (Going away)
L - (Lays on floor kicking and screaming for 'help')
Me - (Pour a little Bailey's in my coffee)
Our breakfast, lunch, dinner, bath, and bed routines pretty much play out the same way. I'll spare you the details.
3. In general, spending a lot of time with two toddlers at once is like living with little, miniature drunk people. They can't speak coherently, wet their pants at random, are always nursing a drink, like to get naked for no apparent reason, are constantly falling down and running into things, and can be maniacally happy and wanting to honk your nose one moment, yet laying on the floor yelling and bucking the next. I'm giving them about two more years to sober up before I seek professional help.
So, I haven't finished the book yet. I'll keep you posted on how it all turns out...I'm hoping for a happy ending!
I love that I can now hold the book right up to my face and do not have to make noises of any sort while reading, unless I'm laughing out loud. Or crying. Depends on the book, of course.
A few I have enjoyed recently: "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown, "Down Came The Rain" by Brooke Shields, "Night" by Elie Wiesel, and at the present, I am working on "The Devil Wears Prada" by Lauren Weisberger...I haven't QUITE finished it.
So, I get about halfway through it and start thinking, "Hmmm...this all sounds so FAMILIAR..."
In "The Devil Wears Prada", a young woman just beginning her career finds herself employed as an assistant to The Monster Of All Bosses. She begins the job, knowing it is a job that "a million girls would die for". She is enthusiastic and excited!
BUT:
This boss leaves incomplete, and ridiculous, messages for her assistant, requiring her to play detective, and often make a fool of herself, in order to please her boss.
This boss is impossibly rude and picky.
This boss expects her employees to read her mind, and when they don't, there is going to be hell to pay.
This boss makes tons of unreasonable demands. Her demands are petty and constant...she even wakes up her assistant in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT to make MORE unreasonable demands.
This boss requests a lot of high calorie, expensive food, which her assistant is always ordering for her, several times a day, yet is still able to wear a very small size of clothing because she never actually EATS any of it.
By the middle of the book, the assistant is exhausted, frustrated, and frankly, feeling a little crazy. Has she made a terrible mistake in taking the job?
Seeing why it seems so FAMILIAR yet?
Here's a hint: These days, I do not have a boss paying me money to put up with her crap. Instead, I am now working as an assistant to two bosses, and they demand that I work for FREE.
Now, mind you, I LOOOOOVE my PRESH-US babies...I do not REALLY think they are the devil in any way, shape, or form. And MOST of the time, being THE MOM and all, I like to think I am the boss.
BUT. The similarities? They are irrefutable. I'm guessing you've got the idea, but I'll give you a few examples anyway.
1. I totally make a fool of myself, on my children's behalf, on a daily basis. Using my shirt to wipe a runny nose, in PUBLIC? No problem! Walking around Walmart with two DumDum suckers hanging out of my mouth because L did not like the particular flavors she unwrapped? Any time! Attempt a quick pee break at the Target restroom, only to have my children asking me VERY LOUDLY, "Mama POOPIN' in here?" Dear God.
2. According to my children, I should read minds! For example, dressing my daughter, L, goes something like this:
Me - (Hand L shorts and shirt)
L - NOT THAT SHIRT!!!
Me - Then which one?
L - The blue one!
Me - Here is the blue one.
L - NOT THAT BLUE ONE. OTHER ONE!
Me - Fine. Here. Do you want help?
L - NO!!!! MYSELF!!!!!
Me - (Leave room so she can do it herself)
L - NO! MAMA HELP!
Me - (Attempt to help)
L - NO! GO 'WAY!
Me - (Going away)
L - (Lays on floor kicking and screaming for 'help')
Me - (Pour a little Bailey's in my coffee)
Our breakfast, lunch, dinner, bath, and bed routines pretty much play out the same way. I'll spare you the details.
3. In general, spending a lot of time with two toddlers at once is like living with little, miniature drunk people. They can't speak coherently, wet their pants at random, are always nursing a drink, like to get naked for no apparent reason, are constantly falling down and running into things, and can be maniacally happy and wanting to honk your nose one moment, yet laying on the floor yelling and bucking the next. I'm giving them about two more years to sober up before I seek professional help.
So, I haven't finished the book yet. I'll keep you posted on how it all turns out...I'm hoping for a happy ending!
6 Comments:
SUCH a good post! So, so, so, so true.
Thanks for stopping by my blog and for the advice. I'm still waiting on Silly Girl to be "ready".
Hillarious post, "Like living with little drunk people." had me cracking up. I totally get what you mean. Keep up the great writing.
Hey, I'm so excited...I got my first comment on my blog!!! Thank you so much Stacey!!!
Keep me updated... I want to know how the happy-ending thing goes myself ;)
Too funny! Bailey's in the coffee...I could really use some baileys right about now or a margarita or anything with alcohol. I will be so glad to be home. Have a great week
E
OH MY,you are so funny.I take care of my 2 yr old grandson everyday and I swear,it's the same thing here.I love keeping up with you. gracias,debi
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