One of the eye-opening things about having a boy AND a girl is watching the way society judges their appearances in such different ways. When G was born, 12 days early, he weighed 8 lb., 1 oz. When L was born, 10 days early, she weighed 8 lb., 3 oz. About the same size, right?
The weight comments began immediately. The response to G - "Such a big, healthy boy!", "Look how strong his grip is!", "What a strapping young man!". The response to L - "She's not going to be a petite thing, is she?!", "Look at those chubby little cheeks!", "She's got the family thighs!".
Now, none of these comments offended me...I'm sure I made comments along the same lines. It's just what we do in this culture...big, healthy boys are praised, and big, healthy girls need to go on a diet.
G and L have been the exact same size, height and weight, at every scheduled checkup from birth to present. They are both usually in the 95th percentile in height AND weight, meaning they're both big, strong, and healthy, but certainly not overweight.
I don't worry about G having weight issues. It's just not an issue most guys get too worried about. But for L, I worry. She's already hearing comments that will affect her perception of herself, though the comments are never MEANT to be derogatory.
Just a few days ago, a woman stopped me at a restaurant while out with my husband and kids and said, "Your daughter is just the PERFECT size. Her little legs are so cute." It was refreshing to hear that, as opposed to, "She sure is big for her age!" (which I hear ALL the time, but NEVER with G, even though they have been the same size at each age).
I need to be the one who helps L shape a healthy image of her body. Getting MYSELF in shape and back into healthy habits is the first step in achieving that. And, oh, the guilt I feel when when I reward her with food...am I setting her up to have the same food issues I struggle with? I read about kindergarteners going on DIETS and it makes me sad for L, because I know exactly what she's going to be up against in just a few years, no matter what her size.
I wish I could stop time right now, so she could always keep in touch with what it's like to LOVE her body. What it's like to eat simply to FUEL her body instead of constantly needing to REWARD it with food. I lost those ideas somewhere along the way, but I want my daughter to keep them.
I want her to always remember looking at the world upside down between her legs, without worrying about how her thighs looked.
The pure, simple, JOY of being "NAKEN!!!!" as she says when she gleefully strips off her clothes.
Looking at her reflection with curiosity and admiration, tilting her head, and saying, "Soooo pitty (pretty)!"
Touching the scars on her nose (stitches!) with interest, not with disgust.
Eating with pleasure and abandonment. Scooping ice cream with her hands, squishing mashed potatoes between her fingers.
Her round, firm belly. Her velvety soft baby skin. Her dimpled elbows.
She is so beautiful. She is perfection in every way.
She knows that right now. But will she still know it in a few years?
*insert picture of L looking absolutely delicious at 5 months old and trying to eat her toes. Why, Blogger, why? Why do you hate me?*
The weight comments began immediately. The response to G - "Such a big, healthy boy!", "Look how strong his grip is!", "What a strapping young man!". The response to L - "She's not going to be a petite thing, is she?!", "Look at those chubby little cheeks!", "She's got the family thighs!".
Now, none of these comments offended me...I'm sure I made comments along the same lines. It's just what we do in this culture...big, healthy boys are praised, and big, healthy girls need to go on a diet.
G and L have been the exact same size, height and weight, at every scheduled checkup from birth to present. They are both usually in the 95th percentile in height AND weight, meaning they're both big, strong, and healthy, but certainly not overweight.
I don't worry about G having weight issues. It's just not an issue most guys get too worried about. But for L, I worry. She's already hearing comments that will affect her perception of herself, though the comments are never MEANT to be derogatory.
Just a few days ago, a woman stopped me at a restaurant while out with my husband and kids and said, "Your daughter is just the PERFECT size. Her little legs are so cute." It was refreshing to hear that, as opposed to, "She sure is big for her age!" (which I hear ALL the time, but NEVER with G, even though they have been the same size at each age).
I need to be the one who helps L shape a healthy image of her body. Getting MYSELF in shape and back into healthy habits is the first step in achieving that. And, oh, the guilt I feel when when I reward her with food...am I setting her up to have the same food issues I struggle with? I read about kindergarteners going on DIETS and it makes me sad for L, because I know exactly what she's going to be up against in just a few years, no matter what her size.
I wish I could stop time right now, so she could always keep in touch with what it's like to LOVE her body. What it's like to eat simply to FUEL her body instead of constantly needing to REWARD it with food. I lost those ideas somewhere along the way, but I want my daughter to keep them.
I want her to always remember looking at the world upside down between her legs, without worrying about how her thighs looked.
The pure, simple, JOY of being "NAKEN!!!!" as she says when she gleefully strips off her clothes.
Looking at her reflection with curiosity and admiration, tilting her head, and saying, "Soooo pitty (pretty)!"
Touching the scars on her nose (stitches!) with interest, not with disgust.
Eating with pleasure and abandonment. Scooping ice cream with her hands, squishing mashed potatoes between her fingers.
Her round, firm belly. Her velvety soft baby skin. Her dimpled elbows.
She is so beautiful. She is perfection in every way.
She knows that right now. But will she still know it in a few years?
*insert picture of L looking absolutely delicious at 5 months old and trying to eat her toes. Why, Blogger, why? Why do you hate me?*
3 Comments:
That was a really, really lovely post.
She will know it because she is lucky enough to have a momma like you. You're doing such an awesome job - L AND G are both so lucky to have you.
Thank you guys...so sweet.
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