If you've read any previous "Fat Friday" posts, you know I've mentioned my Mother In Law (MIL) and her Weight Comments.
Here's a quick summary of our relationship...
My hubby grew up fairly well off. I was well taken care of, but not what you would call "well-to-do" or anything. Hubby is an only child. THE ONLY SON.
So I meet MIL for first time...her first words to me, after "Hello", are "You have got to get your hair trimmed! Look at these dead ends! And your NAILS! Do you pick at them?"
Um, not such a great start. Immediately, I knew I was not the princess she had been dreaming of for her *SON*. Many years of conflicts ensue, including conflicts relating to religion (she does not like mine) and politics (I am a d.e.m.o.c.r.a.t. *Go Hillary!*).
I grew up, I married her *SON*, I gave her grandchildren (though she made it clear that I was to have a boy first), and we eventually learned to coexist. She is very generous to us, loves her grandchildren, and has done many nice things for our family.
But, my relationship with her is overshadowed by her feelings about weight. When I first started dating hubby (1994, wearing a size 7, juniors), she took me shopping, a "girl's day out." We stop at a crosswalk at the mall as a very heavy person crosses. She says, OUT LOUD, "THAT is just PATHETIC." I was horrified.
And then, I started getting fat.
1995, wearing a size 9, juniors...in Padre Island for spring break with hubby, his family, and some friends, she informs me that I should "watch it, because you're getting a little fluffy."
1997, wearing a size 11, juniors...tells me that my hubby has "really never been so big before. You guys need to exercise or something."
1999, wearing a size 14, misses...Christmas with MIL and FIL. MIL recieves slinky new leather skirt and blazer, size 10. She is weirdly insistent that I try on the jacket. I tell her it won't fit, it's not my size. "Come on, just try it!" she keeps begging. So I do. And my arms just barely squeeze in and it comes NOWHERE near closing over my bust (The Ladies, they've NEVER been small, my friends). I say, "See, I told you it wouldn't fit." Her reply, and these are literally her words, "You have GOT to lose some weight, girlfriend." Girlfriend? Holy $*#@ and Happy Holidays.
2001, wearing a size 11, juniors, again...MIL, slurring her words (guess why), says, "You guys just look shoooo graaaaaaaaaate! You had gotten shoooooo BIG."
2004, wearing maternity clothes...the day we come home from the hospital with our second baby, MIL and FIL come to visit. My MIL watches with a sad expression as my 19 month old pats my still-there baby belly and says innocently, "Baby? Baby?" I think nothing of it. He is a baby himself and doesn't understand that the baby isn't IN my tummy anymore. MIL's reply, thinking he must have hurt my fat feelings, "It's okay, honey, you'll lose it." Um, I wasn't really worried. I just pushed out an 8 pound baby and can't sit down. The tummy is a non issue at this point.
Last week, wearing a size that shall remain nameless...MIL and I attend a baby shower for a family member, who had the baby early and is attending the baby shower 5 days post-partum. MIL leans over and whispers, "Good grief. X has really put on a lot of weight!" I reply, "MIL! She just had a baby FIVE DAYS AGO. Remember?" "Well, that's no excuse..." she replies. And I'm not kidding.
So I'm leaving the shower and immediately have an urge to go on a crash liquid diet. But then, a more overwhelming thought occurs to me. SONIC. No, TACO BELL. NO! SONIC AND TACO BELL. AND ICE CREAM. I will get fatter. As fat as I can GET. I will show her! I will eat until I pop! You want to see fat? I will SHOW you fat. I will jiggle and wiggle and wear tube tops to show it all off. How do you like THAT, MIL?
Um, do you think I might have some issues with food and my MIL?
Maybe they are related in some way?
Wait - don't answer that. I am still in the "Blaming It On Other People" stage of my fatness and am ALLOWED to blame some of it on her.
Here's a quick summary of our relationship...
My hubby grew up fairly well off. I was well taken care of, but not what you would call "well-to-do" or anything. Hubby is an only child. THE ONLY SON.
So I meet MIL for first time...her first words to me, after "Hello", are "You have got to get your hair trimmed! Look at these dead ends! And your NAILS! Do you pick at them?"
Um, not such a great start. Immediately, I knew I was not the princess she had been dreaming of for her *SON*. Many years of conflicts ensue, including conflicts relating to religion (she does not like mine) and politics (I am a d.e.m.o.c.r.a.t. *Go Hillary!*).
I grew up, I married her *SON*, I gave her grandchildren (though she made it clear that I was to have a boy first), and we eventually learned to coexist. She is very generous to us, loves her grandchildren, and has done many nice things for our family.
But, my relationship with her is overshadowed by her feelings about weight. When I first started dating hubby (1994, wearing a size 7, juniors), she took me shopping, a "girl's day out." We stop at a crosswalk at the mall as a very heavy person crosses. She says, OUT LOUD, "THAT is just PATHETIC." I was horrified.
And then, I started getting fat.
1995, wearing a size 9, juniors...in Padre Island for spring break with hubby, his family, and some friends, she informs me that I should "watch it, because you're getting a little fluffy."
1997, wearing a size 11, juniors...tells me that my hubby has "really never been so big before. You guys need to exercise or something."
1999, wearing a size 14, misses...Christmas with MIL and FIL. MIL recieves slinky new leather skirt and blazer, size 10. She is weirdly insistent that I try on the jacket. I tell her it won't fit, it's not my size. "Come on, just try it!" she keeps begging. So I do. And my arms just barely squeeze in and it comes NOWHERE near closing over my bust (The Ladies, they've NEVER been small, my friends). I say, "See, I told you it wouldn't fit." Her reply, and these are literally her words, "You have GOT to lose some weight, girlfriend." Girlfriend? Holy $*#@ and Happy Holidays.
2001, wearing a size 11, juniors, again...MIL, slurring her words (guess why), says, "You guys just look shoooo graaaaaaaaaate! You had gotten shoooooo BIG."
2004, wearing maternity clothes...the day we come home from the hospital with our second baby, MIL and FIL come to visit. My MIL watches with a sad expression as my 19 month old pats my still-there baby belly and says innocently, "Baby? Baby?" I think nothing of it. He is a baby himself and doesn't understand that the baby isn't IN my tummy anymore. MIL's reply, thinking he must have hurt my fat feelings, "It's okay, honey, you'll lose it." Um, I wasn't really worried. I just pushed out an 8 pound baby and can't sit down. The tummy is a non issue at this point.
Last week, wearing a size that shall remain nameless...MIL and I attend a baby shower for a family member, who had the baby early and is attending the baby shower 5 days post-partum. MIL leans over and whispers, "Good grief. X has really put on a lot of weight!" I reply, "MIL! She just had a baby FIVE DAYS AGO. Remember?" "Well, that's no excuse..." she replies. And I'm not kidding.
So I'm leaving the shower and immediately have an urge to go on a crash liquid diet. But then, a more overwhelming thought occurs to me. SONIC. No, TACO BELL. NO! SONIC AND TACO BELL. AND ICE CREAM. I will get fatter. As fat as I can GET. I will show her! I will eat until I pop! You want to see fat? I will SHOW you fat. I will jiggle and wiggle and wear tube tops to show it all off. How do you like THAT, MIL?
Um, do you think I might have some issues with food and my MIL?
Maybe they are related in some way?
Wait - don't answer that. I am still in the "Blaming It On Other People" stage of my fatness and am ALLOWED to blame some of it on her.
15 Comments:
It's just heartbreaking to hear you recounting a history of such terrible manipulation. Clearly this woman is existing in some kind of delusional other dimension where people actually give a crap what she thinks! I think the best thing to do is just smile serenely when she says these things and say, "I'm actually really happy with myself. What is it you're not happy with about yourself that makes you so critical of others?"
Then when you lose weight (IF that's what *you* want) you can tell her it was in spite of all the pressure that "people" had been putting on you and it sure wasn't anything she could take credit for!
By the way, I'm also Stacey. :) I've been lurking awhile. Sorry to leap in with a comment like that, but reading about your MIL just made me sooo angry. I hope you have a good Friday. :)
Clearly your MIL is one of those often wonderful but also loathsome people who JUST DOESN'T GET IT!
You, my darling, are wonderful and beautiful, and who gives a flying rat's behind if you weigh a little more than you want to? Well, you, sure - but it shouldn't be anyone else's business, and it's CERTAINLY not anyone else's job to make you feel bad about it!
Next time you see your MIL, you should make some comment about how her boobs look droopy or how "being so skinny really adds lines to your face" and see how SHE likes being judged by someone who is supposed to love her.
(I'm not usually so mean, I swear)
Oh, reading this makes me so sad. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Look at your picture.
Since I am a mother-in-law to two wonderful daughers-in-law , your post worries me. I hope that my comments never ever come off as that prissy, "holier than thou" sort of MIL. But, we all have our moments.
By the way, I agree "*GO Hillary!*"
your MIL shares a common trait with young children and the senile elderly - they lack a thing called TACT.
you're fabulous, and her opinion simply doesn't count.
oohhhhh - I LOVE the skinny=facial lines remark!!! GO STACEY!!! lol WHY are MILs this way?? I mean really. Just watch a few episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond while having a quart and call her "Marie" next time you see her. ;) Mine's worse - she lost a ton of weight and I can just FEEL her disgust when she looks at me...and annrebieb can testify for me, since we share MILs!!! LOL
Stacey - Thank you for your thoughts...glad you came out of lurking!
Mrs. S - You're always so sweet...and I'm digging the "being so skinny really adds lines to your face." Hee hee hee!
MJD - I am flattered, and I like you even more now that I know that you too are a H.C. supporter! woo hoo!
gigi - I loooove being called fabulous!
laurie - Oh, how she is a "Marie"! Ha!
Your MIL need to blow it out her A$$!!
geez, i don't know what i would do if my MIL was like that. i think i would stay as far away from her as possible though. geez. lose weight because you want to, not because anyone else thinks you should.
Hi! I just found you, and this being the first entry I read I sooo feel for you. I have had my -ahem- moments with my MIL as well. It is so hard to not take things to heart, isn't it?
I also noticed we have a TON in common...I too was a teacher (middle school, then PreK) before becoming a SAHM to my two kiddos, I also love tetris and Dixie Chicks and OPRAH, and I agree, Steve is way better than Joe. :0)
Can't wait to read more!!
WOW,your MIL sounds like my dad. While reading I could feel that awful feeling I used to get in the pit of my stomach after one of his "helpful" remarks to and about me.He would always be smiling and act like he expected me to thank him for the helpful hint.He always knew he was breaking my heart.You seem to have a better way to deal than I did.I really think it is so very rude and mean to say things like that to someone and especially family.My dad died in April,since then I have lost a few lbs.I also cut off my long hair. He hated my hair to be cut and since I felt about 7 yrs old when he was around,,I never cut my hair.He lived in another state but just in case he came for a visit I was afraid to cut it.How sick am I? Also,you sound like a good mom with a great sense of humor. I have 5 kids, all grown and gone except 1.Without the ability to laugh at yourself and life in general you just can't make it. I think you are pretty damn funny.I shall be back,thanks.
debi - Glad there is someone else out there who has one of "these" family members...and I too went through the not cutting my hair thing - not for my dad, but for my granny. And I promise, my posts are usually funnier :) Fat Friday can be a downer sometimes...
lost a sock - I'm so glad you're here! After checking out your blog and profile last night, I KNEW we had TONS in common!
Screw the shaming and the diet mentality! This is a great book:
http://books.google.com/books?id=V9673REaRNgC&dq=intuitive+eating&pg=PA1&ots=KxRDFrBQ62&sig=yCpNyuSM-g5RxR0YVfn6s_zmQ_0&prev=http://www.google.com/search%3Fclient%3Dsafari%26rls%3Den-us%26q%3Dintuitive%2Beating%26ie%3DUTF-8%26oe%3DUTF-8&sa=X&oi=print&ct=result&cd=1
It's OK to tell her to stop making any remarks about your weight at all, ever again. I had to do that with my MIL. It took a few tries, but she finally stopped.
Kristin - Here is the really funny thing - I just finished reading "Intuitive Eating"...read a few of the older "Fat Fridays" and you'll see how I did with it! Heehee!
You have GOT to be kidding me! I can't believe she actually said/says those things. That is horrible.
My Grandma always makes comments about my mom and aunt's weight and it drives them crazy. What my mom doesn't realize is that she has done the same thing to me at times. It's nothing near as bad as your MIL but still, it's never fun to hear others voice THEIR opinions about YOUR weight.
I have recently lost a lot of weight and am still going. I'm doing it for ME though and no one else.
To be that critical of others, your MIL must have very low self-esteem herself. She sounds like a true "Monster In Law."
OH, and fabulous is one of my favorite words and you, my dear, are indeed fabulous!
Silly hilly - Thank you, and I'm glad you stopped by!
I know, her comments sound too terrible to be true...I'm prone to exaggeration at times, but my hubby will attest to these bizarre comments from her :( I'm learning to ignore it...
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