My daughter, L, has been potty trained for over a month. She wears a Pull-Up to sleep, though it is often dry when she wakes up - yay!
But sometimes, she has to poop during / after her nap, and one of three things happens:
1. She yells "I have to POOOOOOP" loud enough for me to hear. I get her from her crib and the accident that was waiting to happen is averted.
2. She yells "I have to POOOOOOP" loud enough for me to hear, but I am either feeding a baby, doing some sort of crisis management with my son, G, or am on the toilet myself. Meaning, she has an accident if I can't make it there fast enough.
3. I can't hear her yelling, OR she has a quiet, stealth poop, and she has an accident in her Pull-Up.
If she has had a poop "accident", I always know it before I even go into her room. That is because the smell has wafted under her closed door, down the hallway, and sometimes, even into the living room.
Because of my properly functioning sense of smell, I can enter her room PREPARED for BATTLE. Thankfully, those Pull-Ups have tear-away sides, reminiscent of a (shhh!) *diaper*. So I lay her on her changing pad, clean her up, spray some Lysol, and we're done in less than 2 minutes.
And now to get to my point: My husband (as I have mentioned before), does NOT HAVE PROPERLY FUNCTIONING SENSES.
Here is Exhibit P (for poop!) to illustrate my point:
So on Saturday, L was napping and hubby was playing with G while I had some break time. I hear, from the opposite end of the house, hubby screaming to G in an alarming tone, "GO GET YOUR MOTHER! NOW!"
Thinking someone has LOST AN EYE, BROKEN A LIMB, OR IS BLEEDING PROFUSELY, I go RUNNING to the other end of the house. I slow down as I near the hallway because? BECAUSE, I smell poooooop.
I enter the bathroom to find daughter L sitting on the toilet, distressed looking hubby crouched in front of the toilet with one hand on L, and one hand cupping her underwear. There is poop on the rug, poop smeared down the front of the toilet, and poop all over L's legs, shorts, and Pull-Up.
"What the hell happened here?" I manage to ask through my snorts of laughter.
"She WOKE UP and TOLD ME she had to POOP!" hubby breathlessly exclaims. "But she already DID! And I didn't know until it was TOO LATE!"
"Well, the whole end of this house SMELLS like poop! ESPECIALLY her ROOM! Did you not smell that, and maybe have a CLUE that she had ALREADY POOPED HER PANTS?" I reply.
Husband's answer? I'll bet you can already guess!
"I DIDN'T SMELL ANYTHING! Now help me! HELP ME CLEAN THIS UP!"
Now husband, that's what you get. POOP everywhere. Ha. Ha. HAHAHAHA! All those years of IRRITATING THE CRAP OUT OF ME with his, "Huh? I don't smell that!" routine? Vengeance. It is mine.
P.S. He will totally read this post, and for a little added paybacks, he HATES "oo" words, like poop, and goose, and especially combinations of the two, like GOOSE POOP. (For more on that, see archives: "Our Family Dinner Conversations").
But sometimes, she has to poop during / after her nap, and one of three things happens:
1. She yells "I have to POOOOOOP" loud enough for me to hear. I get her from her crib and the accident that was waiting to happen is averted.
2. She yells "I have to POOOOOOP" loud enough for me to hear, but I am either feeding a baby, doing some sort of crisis management with my son, G, or am on the toilet myself. Meaning, she has an accident if I can't make it there fast enough.
3. I can't hear her yelling, OR she has a quiet, stealth poop, and she has an accident in her Pull-Up.
If she has had a poop "accident", I always know it before I even go into her room. That is because the smell has wafted under her closed door, down the hallway, and sometimes, even into the living room.
Because of my properly functioning sense of smell, I can enter her room PREPARED for BATTLE. Thankfully, those Pull-Ups have tear-away sides, reminiscent of a (shhh!) *diaper*. So I lay her on her changing pad, clean her up, spray some Lysol, and we're done in less than 2 minutes.
And now to get to my point: My husband (as I have mentioned before), does NOT HAVE PROPERLY FUNCTIONING SENSES.
Here is Exhibit P (for poop!) to illustrate my point:
So on Saturday, L was napping and hubby was playing with G while I had some break time. I hear, from the opposite end of the house, hubby screaming to G in an alarming tone, "GO GET YOUR MOTHER! NOW!"
Thinking someone has LOST AN EYE, BROKEN A LIMB, OR IS BLEEDING PROFUSELY, I go RUNNING to the other end of the house. I slow down as I near the hallway because? BECAUSE, I smell poooooop.
I enter the bathroom to find daughter L sitting on the toilet, distressed looking hubby crouched in front of the toilet with one hand on L, and one hand cupping her underwear. There is poop on the rug, poop smeared down the front of the toilet, and poop all over L's legs, shorts, and Pull-Up.
"What the hell happened here?" I manage to ask through my snorts of laughter.
"She WOKE UP and TOLD ME she had to POOP!" hubby breathlessly exclaims. "But she already DID! And I didn't know until it was TOO LATE!"
"Well, the whole end of this house SMELLS like poop! ESPECIALLY her ROOM! Did you not smell that, and maybe have a CLUE that she had ALREADY POOPED HER PANTS?" I reply.
Husband's answer? I'll bet you can already guess!
"I DIDN'T SMELL ANYTHING! Now help me! HELP ME CLEAN THIS UP!"
Now husband, that's what you get. POOP everywhere. Ha. Ha. HAHAHAHA! All those years of IRRITATING THE CRAP OUT OF ME with his, "Huh? I don't smell that!" routine? Vengeance. It is mine.
P.S. He will totally read this post, and for a little added paybacks, he HATES "oo" words, like poop, and goose, and especially combinations of the two, like GOOSE POOP. (For more on that, see archives: "Our Family Dinner Conversations").
9 Comments:
Excuuuuse me, but whoooooooo happened to poooooooop? Oh, sorry, was caught up in the "oo" sound, but wanted to be original in some of my wording.
So, it's amazing that our big stong manly men can do things like field dress a deer, or look at horror movies with great interest, but then go straight into panic mode at the sight of little people poop?
Priceless, dude, totally priceless. This post would only be better if you had a picture of the catastrophe you walked in on.
But... is it wrong to say that I wouldn't have helped him? lol
ha! good one, L!
so i have to ask - what's up with the Husband not liking "oo" words? i find this hilarious!
donna - I have a NORMAL sense of smell. See, this is why you and my hubby get along so well. And yes, file 54, most DEFINITELY.
annrebieb - OOOOO, he's going to love that! Hehehe!
mrs. s - I almost grabbed the camera, but he just looked too freaked out. And I SO didn't want to help, but again, he just looked so FRIGHTENED. I am expecting many poop stories on your blog when z comes!
Hey Stacey,
You are a good egg especially when you can laugh at oodles of poop and then help clean it up too. At least, you did not have to clean up moose poop or even goose poop.
mjd - You are clever, so clever. You made me giggle.
gigi - My husband says:
"I don't really know. I've just never liked those words, especially 'boob' and 'poop'. And then I told a college roomate that I didn't like those words, and they nicknamed me Booger."
Go figure, Gigi. Your guess is as good as mine! Must be some suppressed childhood issue. All I know is that it's really fun to tease him about it as much as I possibly can. :)
Does the word good bother him to? It doesn't have the sam sound as poop or boob or moose or goose. What about food? Hehe.
Go right ahead and steal my questions thing. It's a lot of fun.
So totally relate to hubby as I too cannot smell. We can talk later S. Home tomorrow, time for margaritas!
E
This is so funny! I would've left the cleaning of the poop to him, though. :)
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