I am pretty much at the end of my rope with my 3 year old son. When I send him to preschool, daycare, or babysitters, I hear how good he is, how sweet, how smart, how good he is at sharing.
And I see those traits peek through now and then. I love him. I have faith that he is going to grow into a wonderful man someday.
But what I see at home the majority of the time, especially today, is loud, angry, obnoxious, disrespectful to me, cruel to his sister, constantly bouncing (literally) off the walls. Today he screamed at me, "You're NOT MY MOMMY".
I am not handling these behaviors well. I am exhausted. I am frustrated. I am spanking too often and laughing way too little. I've spoken to my son in ways I'm not proud of.
Every night, I tell my husband, "I can't do this anymore. It was really bad today." But you know what? It never gets any better. It is a little worse each day, and sometimes, like today, a lot worse.
I need you readers out there to share some comments about your children, especially boys. Tell me some of the things they did at age 3 or 4, and what they are like now, if they are older.
And more importantly, tell me how YOU felt. How did you deal every day? I need to know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
And I see those traits peek through now and then. I love him. I have faith that he is going to grow into a wonderful man someday.
But what I see at home the majority of the time, especially today, is loud, angry, obnoxious, disrespectful to me, cruel to his sister, constantly bouncing (literally) off the walls. Today he screamed at me, "You're NOT MY MOMMY".
I am not handling these behaviors well. I am exhausted. I am frustrated. I am spanking too often and laughing way too little. I've spoken to my son in ways I'm not proud of.
Every night, I tell my husband, "I can't do this anymore. It was really bad today." But you know what? It never gets any better. It is a little worse each day, and sometimes, like today, a lot worse.
I need you readers out there to share some comments about your children, especially boys. Tell me some of the things they did at age 3 or 4, and what they are like now, if they are older.
And more importantly, tell me how YOU felt. How did you deal every day? I need to know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
11 Comments:
I don't even have a girl-baby (yet) but I just wanted to say I think you're holding it together really well, from what I can see.
And... and you're hot and funny and awesome and stuff. And you decorate CAKE!! Which is possibly the coolest thing ever.
Don't forget, mmmkay?
*hugs*
I have a 3 yr old boy too. He's pretty well behaved, but has his moments. We also spend lots of time with other kids his age, and lots of times I see the other kids get away with behaviors I would never allow. I don't let him get by with much. He is not allowed to talk back to me or argue excessively with me. Right now, time outs work really good with him. As soon as he gets mouthy with me, he's in time out for at least 2 minutes, if not more. The first week I did time outs he was in time out most of the day. But he caught on, and now he almost realizes himself when he needs one, and when it's over his attitude is usually much better. You've really have just got to stay on top of every little thing. I know I sound like a mean, strict mommy, but I can't stand to be yelled at or talked back to by a 3 yr old. He does get spankings, but not too often anymore. I still use it as a threat when I need to.
Good luck and keep at it.
My son, my oldest child, had his 30th birthday on Sunday. I clearly remember the terrible two's, three's, four's.... There were many times that were just plain overwhelming, when we just seemed at odds. Then he would do something utterly amazing or kind and loving, and suddenly we would be back on the same page again. Sometimes it was very hard to be patient. He was a smart kid which made me expect more from him, but in reality he was still just a little boy, doing goofy little boy things. It sounds like your children are a priority in your life. That is a sign of a good mom. Tie a knot in the end of that rope and hang on. It is well worth it, and believe it or not, it goes by way too quickly.
I really hate to break it to you but 4 is the worst. Hopefully you're almost there so you can be done with it soon. ;) I was ready for one of us to pack our baggies and leave home - and I didn't care which of us did it. Here's a copy of an email I sent the week he turned 4 -
"The past few weeks, he’s driving me to literally want to leave home!!! No WONDER everyone’s in a huge hurry to get their kids in preschool at this age!!!!!!!!! OMGoodness He’s doing things he BLATENTLY knows he will be punished for…big things…stealing popsicles out of the fridge, playing with scissors, he actually bit into a candybar at the store the other day and then tried to hide it from me so I didn’t notice. Two weeks ago, he ate ½ a bottle of Flinstones (yep, got the childproof lid off of it). Tonight, he had BLUE icing (the kind that stained everyone’s lips for a day) on his cake and he got into it while I was putting Rose to bed. THEN he proceeded to LIE to me about it, even after I made him look in the mirror and TELL ME where the blue came from….and THEN after spankings and stern talkings, I found out that he wiped his icing smeared hands ALL OVER my walls!!!!!!!!! Thank GOODNESS it was semi-gloss and wiped off right away. I think the thing that makes me the most mad is that he’s lying and sneaking around about all of it. I really thought I was past the child-proofing age with him!!!!!! I’m literally ready to pack his bags…or mine. Days like today are REALLY making me re-think this home schooling idea. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Any signs it’s hitting you yet?" ROFL
Thank you all for your support and kind comments. I really do appreciate it. I am also enjoying reading about your own parenting experiences.
Laurie - That email could have been written about my own son. I really needed to hear something like that from another mom. Thank you.
I want to tell you something incredibly funny about how they grow out of it and you will be fine. The truth is that my 10 and 14 year old boys made me so angry last night I had to leave the house so I didn't say or do something that could never be undone. But in the same angry moment I was praying that God would show me where I failed in parenting. What was I doing wrong? You aren't alone. For every "Monster Mommy" moment I had then, I have a hilarious story now. Sometimes it just takes many, many years before the funny shows up. I don't know you as well as I would like too. I hope to correct that very soon, but what I can say honestly is that I can tell you are an amazing Mom who wants wonderful things for her kids and her family in general. I am so impressed that you left your job to be with them at home. I wish I could have done that. I also have 2 stong willed- independant, sometimes unmanagable boys. We will NOT be defeated by the crazy children!!! We will not!!! Hang in there. You have loved your children more in just a few years than some people are ever loved their entire lives.
Crazy Momma! Just try to focus on the positive moments of the day. HA HA HA! J was the same way and I think with the older child we expect more out of and they usually act older, speak like little adults and we forget that they are tiny humans and their brains are not quite as big as ours...well maybe not........I will have to think about that last comment I made. Hang in there girl! You are a great mom and you have awesome children. And 4 is possibly worse than 3. It is to prepare you to let them go to Kindergarten. Love E
Jennifer - Thank you for such thoughtful comments. Good to know I'm not alone...and I hope to get to know you much better soon too...I think we may just have a lot in common.
E, AKA anonymous - You're totally right. Thanks for giving me some perspective! And also, I need to talk to you...Miss T informed me she would be teaching G to write his name in ALL CAPITALS this year...the HORROR! Come back soon!
My son is three as well, and I can tell you that he went through a bouncing off the walls phase a couple months ago so much so that it had me wondering if he had ADHD. I did everything I could including taking him off of every food that contained sugar. I felt like I was correcting him constantly, but the only thing I could do was remain consistent, and finally I just realized the other day that he has calmed down soo much lately (he will be 4 next month.) I will keep my fingers crossed for you that he comes out of it sooooon. Just be consistent. And, you are DEFINITELY not alone!
OK, I am not just some book-recommeding stalker, I swear! But here is another great book, one which changed my life and relationship with my child and all kids. :)
How To Talk So Kids Can Listen and Listen So Kid Can Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlisch
also, this article on Mothering.com is great:
http://www.mothering.com/articles/growing_child/toddlers/tantrums.html
Kristen - Hey, I'm willing to try anything...thanks for the info!
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