After I graduated college, I was hired in May as a kindergarten teacher and was due to start teaching in August. That left me three months to plan, worry, and obsess to my heart's content. And so I did.
I shopped, bought, colored, cut, laminated, planned, studied, ordered, packed, unpacked, decorated, and arranged. Obsessively. And then, school started. I had my own little class of twenty-one children calling ME teacher.
I managed to muddle through the first few horrendous weeks, and then finally started getting into my teaching groove. I learned more in those first DAYS of teaching than I had learned in four and half years of college classes.
I learned that when someone throws up on their worksheet, it definitely calls for extra recess.
I learned that when the breezeway that connects your classroom to the rest of the building floods, you just swing the children up and over the water and shut the door.
I learned that when someone brings a hedgehog for show and tell, you may as well scrap your plans for the rest of the day and dig out the "H" encyclopedia.
In other words, I quickly realized that "teaching" was SOOOO much more than TEACHING. It was learning to deal with unexpected events gracefully, on less than a moments notice.
I felt more confident in my abilities as the days went by, but I still wasn't absolutely sure that I was "doing it right". By the end of that year, most of my students learned to read, count to one hundred, get along with their classmates, and could write their letters beautifully. But that nagging feeling of not "doing it right" still stuck with me for several years of teaching.
And now I am not teaching, but am in a new profession: Stay at home mom. I've been home full time five months now, and I still wonder on a lot of days if I'm "doing it right."
I had nine months to prepare for motherhood, and man, did I think I was prepared! I read all the books, bought all the supplies, took the classes, and did lots of thinking about what kind of mom I wanted to be.
But then the actual CHILD arrived and shot it all to hell. And just when I thought I was starting to get the hang of this mom thing, I went and had ANOTHER baby. So then my doubts and fears about being a good enough mom DOUBLED in strength.
Somehow, I've muddled through over four years of motherhood. I've mothered on no sleep, I've mothered while working full time and part time. I've mothered through depression and anxiety, I've been a mad mom, a frustrated mom, and a happy mom. I've been Ma, Mama, and Mommy.
But I still don't think I've figured it out.
Do I play with them enough? Read enough books? Is it okay to give them crayons and paper so they'll be still long enough for me to fold the laundry? Should G be reading by now? Is it time to give L scissors yet? Is it normal for my children to be beating the crap out of each other approximately every six minutes? Is it horrible that I actually start feeling nauseated when G is on his 329th "WHY?" of the day?
Just like with teaching, I could have planned for motherhood for years and still not been ready for the unexpected daily challenges, such as:
-toy horses covered in chapstick
-trails of poop on the carpet
-running out of bread because my children have used it all playing "communion"
-finding pretend baby bottles in the fridge, and sippy cups full of milk in the sandbox
-projectile vomit on my lap at midnight
-finding my children with orange mustaches, next to an open bottle of Triaminic
-Yo-Go's up noses and green beans in ears
-snorting diet coke out my nose when I hear my daughter, after five minutes of torment from her brother, say to him, "You wanna PIECE of ME???"
-falling over the cat, tripping on toys in my kitchen, stepping on my daughter, and knocking over my son with my rear, all in the space of two minutes
How could ANY of this possibly be NORMAL? Are we ALL just muddling through day after day, hoping for the best in the end, or are there moms out there who stick to their well-laid plans?
Am I doing it right?
I shopped, bought, colored, cut, laminated, planned, studied, ordered, packed, unpacked, decorated, and arranged. Obsessively. And then, school started. I had my own little class of twenty-one children calling ME teacher.
I managed to muddle through the first few horrendous weeks, and then finally started getting into my teaching groove. I learned more in those first DAYS of teaching than I had learned in four and half years of college classes.
I learned that when someone throws up on their worksheet, it definitely calls for extra recess.
I learned that when the breezeway that connects your classroom to the rest of the building floods, you just swing the children up and over the water and shut the door.
I learned that when someone brings a hedgehog for show and tell, you may as well scrap your plans for the rest of the day and dig out the "H" encyclopedia.
In other words, I quickly realized that "teaching" was SOOOO much more than TEACHING. It was learning to deal with unexpected events gracefully, on less than a moments notice.
I felt more confident in my abilities as the days went by, but I still wasn't absolutely sure that I was "doing it right". By the end of that year, most of my students learned to read, count to one hundred, get along with their classmates, and could write their letters beautifully. But that nagging feeling of not "doing it right" still stuck with me for several years of teaching.
And now I am not teaching, but am in a new profession: Stay at home mom. I've been home full time five months now, and I still wonder on a lot of days if I'm "doing it right."
I had nine months to prepare for motherhood, and man, did I think I was prepared! I read all the books, bought all the supplies, took the classes, and did lots of thinking about what kind of mom I wanted to be.
But then the actual CHILD arrived and shot it all to hell. And just when I thought I was starting to get the hang of this mom thing, I went and had ANOTHER baby. So then my doubts and fears about being a good enough mom DOUBLED in strength.
Somehow, I've muddled through over four years of motherhood. I've mothered on no sleep, I've mothered while working full time and part time. I've mothered through depression and anxiety, I've been a mad mom, a frustrated mom, and a happy mom. I've been Ma, Mama, and Mommy.
But I still don't think I've figured it out.
Do I play with them enough? Read enough books? Is it okay to give them crayons and paper so they'll be still long enough for me to fold the laundry? Should G be reading by now? Is it time to give L scissors yet? Is it normal for my children to be beating the crap out of each other approximately every six minutes? Is it horrible that I actually start feeling nauseated when G is on his 329th "WHY?" of the day?
Just like with teaching, I could have planned for motherhood for years and still not been ready for the unexpected daily challenges, such as:
-toy horses covered in chapstick
-trails of poop on the carpet
-running out of bread because my children have used it all playing "communion"
-finding pretend baby bottles in the fridge, and sippy cups full of milk in the sandbox
-projectile vomit on my lap at midnight
-finding my children with orange mustaches, next to an open bottle of Triaminic
-Yo-Go's up noses and green beans in ears
-snorting diet coke out my nose when I hear my daughter, after five minutes of torment from her brother, say to him, "You wanna PIECE of ME???"
-falling over the cat, tripping on toys in my kitchen, stepping on my daughter, and knocking over my son with my rear, all in the space of two minutes
How could ANY of this possibly be NORMAL? Are we ALL just muddling through day after day, hoping for the best in the end, or are there moms out there who stick to their well-laid plans?
Am I doing it right?
11 Comments:
Yes, you're doing it right. Apart from abuse and/or neglect, I don't think there IS a wrong way. Your kids are going to grow up awesome.
And, just so you know, I have hardly done ANY planning. In fact, it's a miracle I have somewhere for the baby to sleep at this point, and I'm due in two weeks. TWO WEEKS! You can rest assured that I will be coming to you for MUCH advice. *hugs*
you are absolutely doing it right, love. otherwise you wouldn't find the humor in all this :)
playing "communion." i love it.
I have always had these same thoughts - both with teaching, and with parenting. Some people make it look so thought out and so perfect.
But the answer to your question? Is yes. Kids never allow you to stick with your plans. The very fact that you are mid-stream changing plans means that you are learning as a mother, and adapting to their needs (and their fun with chapstick!) They are going to fight, and poop, and whateverthehell else they feel would be fun at the moment. You are doing fine. The very fact that you analyze it says that you're putting everything you can into it.
And, we used to play communion as well. And I turned out...well...
People have plans for this??
My dream job would be to teach, but finding time to go back to school is impossible...
If you find the handbook on how to raise kids, you let me know, okay?
I can so relate to you and your kiddos, and I think many others can too - I'm guessing it's pretty normal. I'm sure you are doing a fine job!
Hi Stacey,
You have a brand new look to the site since I was here last. Your new look and the your new photo are fabulous.
Yes, you are doing it right, and really you are still teaching to those wonderful little beings that are your children. Even with training, as you know, teaching can difficult as is mothering. I think with both professions, you have to be like Indiana Jones and figure it out as you go.
I made a number of mistakes as a mom; however, my two adult sons are both kind, compassionate, and responsible.
Keep the faith. You are working at mommyhood, and that is the best that we can do.
Yep,sounds like you're doin it right to me.Had my first baby 30 yrs ago and then became a granny 11 yrs ago and I just went from one to the other.When my first grandson was born my last baby was 4 1/2 yrs old so I never really stopped. I'm wiping poopie butts and rocking someone to sleep and trying to clean peanut butter out from between the couch cushions 5 days a week. Glad you seem to have found the humor in it early on. It really helps. It really helps me cuz you always make me laugh!
Wow. I grew up Catholic and never played communion.
Also, there ARE wrong ways to parent, but they have nothing to do with Yo-Gos up the nose. Many parents beat their children. They call them names. They wear down their self-esteem. They never let their children know if they're loved.
You, my dear, are doing AWESOME.
I do believe that every mother has asked themselves that question about, oh, a zillion times. I still do, everyday. But, I know that I love my kids, I do as much as I can for them (well, I don't feed Haley oreos for breakfast, but...lol Liz) but I still wonder if there is more I can do. They have everything they need and most of what they want and they laugh and smile everyday of their lives and that's enough for me!
You are a great mom! You make heart shaped sandwiches and according to H I suck cause I don't! HA HA.
Seriously, I love you! You crack me up.
But to answer your questions....I had a plan and I'm sticking to it like glue and my kids do no wrong.
Bwaa-haa-haaaaaa!
And if you believe that then let me tell you I totally look like Kate Hudson in a bikini.
Motherhood is f-ing hard. That's all I know. And I hope I'm doing it right just as you do.
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