Me: Dinner! Come on, everybody!
Husband: Why did you give me the end of the pumpkin bread?
Me: Because you're the only one in the house that likes crust.
Husband: I never said I liked it. I just eat it.
Me: Hmm. That's funny. I remember you rolled your eyes at me while I picked the crust off my sandwich one day, and then proceeded to tell me that "all the nutrients are in the crust - it's the most important part of the bread."
Husband: I was just KIDDING when I said that.
Me: Oh, yes? Like you were "kidding" when you said that "nicotine makes people have to poop, and that's why smokers have a cigarette first thing in the morning"? Ooh, or like you were kidding when you recited to me an entire story you'd "read on the internet" before I told you that I WAS THE ONE WHO TOLD YOU THE STORY IN THE FIRST PLACE? You've got to stop making things up - just because you say something does NOT make it a fact.
SILENCE
Husband, who does not know when to stop: I can't believe you bought a mix for pumpkin bread. My mom always makes real pumpkin bread.
Me: I am a woman of the 21st century. I don't have to make real anything, if I don't want to.
Kids: Why are we havin' pumpkin bread?
Me: Because it's pumpkin season! BUT! Did you know, that thanks to the wonders of modern culinary science, we can have pumpkin bread any time we FEEL LIKE IT?!?
Husband: Glares.
Me: After finding the tiniest, most miniscule piece of orange mystery chunk in my bread, I hold it out on my fingertip for my husband to behold. Look! A piece of pumpkin rind! Just like homemade. Do you feel better now?
Husband: Why did you give me the end of the pumpkin bread?
Me: Because you're the only one in the house that likes crust.
Husband: I never said I liked it. I just eat it.
Me: Hmm. That's funny. I remember you rolled your eyes at me while I picked the crust off my sandwich one day, and then proceeded to tell me that "all the nutrients are in the crust - it's the most important part of the bread."
Husband: I was just KIDDING when I said that.
Me: Oh, yes? Like you were "kidding" when you said that "nicotine makes people have to poop, and that's why smokers have a cigarette first thing in the morning"? Ooh, or like you were kidding when you recited to me an entire story you'd "read on the internet" before I told you that I WAS THE ONE WHO TOLD YOU THE STORY IN THE FIRST PLACE? You've got to stop making things up - just because you say something does NOT make it a fact.
SILENCE
Husband, who does not know when to stop: I can't believe you bought a mix for pumpkin bread. My mom always makes real pumpkin bread.
Me: I am a woman of the 21st century. I don't have to make real anything, if I don't want to.
Kids: Why are we havin' pumpkin bread?
Me: Because it's pumpkin season! BUT! Did you know, that thanks to the wonders of modern culinary science, we can have pumpkin bread any time we FEEL LIKE IT?!?
Husband: Glares.
Me: After finding the tiniest, most miniscule piece of orange mystery chunk in my bread, I hold it out on my fingertip for my husband to behold. Look! A piece of pumpkin rind! Just like homemade. Do you feel better now?
12 Comments:
It's really not quite like that. She tends to embellish. And if I say it, it MUST be true.
Stacey, Leave it to you to make my day so worth while. I love to giggle, and you seem to do it everytime!
I love reading dialogues that go on between husbands and wives. And I've actually heard that before about the crust!
I cannot believe the hubs commented. Oh no he didn't! My husband will also eat my "leftovers" like the corner piece of cake. I think he grew up in a house where he had to clean his plate and stuff, so he just doesn't like to see things go to waste. I like that about him! Because he's such a good sport, I can cut the middle out of stuff and eat it, and he'll be fine with the outer edge. HEE HEE! How'd I get so lucky?
whoa! check out the husband! leaving a comment! watch out, i don't know which one of you is more 21st century!
my dude likes the bread crust and has made the same comment about nicotine-induced pooping. they should form a club :)
I agree with some others here that you guys are a hoot!
Pumpkin Bread? What are you tring to do Stacy, make us all look like slackers??? What an over-achiever! My husband is lucky to get regular bread around here, my childrens is driving me to the edge!!!! Can't wait to see how Thanksgiving works out, it's at our house....now didn't I buy a turkey? Where did I put it? Oh yah, it's defrosting in the trunk of the car......HELP!!! Happy T Day!!! Gobble,gobble,gobble!!! Oh, and did I mention that the turkey is out family bird?
Too funny, Stacey! The joys of sarcasm are just never ending.
Can I borrow your rule?
Also, can you tell me how to get MY hubs to leave me a comment?
Nicotine makes people poop? I know a few people that could use some...
What is the name of the mix? Cause that would be the only way it's getting made in my house! You two are hilarious. Erica
My husband and I almost physically assault one another for the end piece of bread. Send your husband over. He can have the middle! :)
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