I was asked a while back for some funny teacher stories. Now, I have many, shall we say, MOMENTS, that stand out in my memory. I'm not sure if they can actually be classified as 'funny'...maybe more like 'unbelievable', 'gross', or 'bizarre'. But here you go anyway.
Besides my college practicums, my first real teaching experience was student teaching, which I did with Kindergarten and fourth grade.
In the fourth grade classroom, there was an incident during my first math lesson, which was about counting back change. I got a little flustered, and the kids seemed very confused with the way I was trying to explain things, so I called on my cooperating teacher (who was observing from the back) to help me out.
She obliged, and one of the students (a blonde-ringlets-Nelly Oleson-type) said, "Miss X, you need to learn how to teach math by YOURSELF, because when you're a real teacher, Mrs. Z won't be there to help you." I picked up my jaw from the floor, informed her that she was being rude, and then went home that evening and cried my eyes out. I'm a little sensitive like that.
After student teaching, I got a job teaching Kindergarten in a district about an hour from my home. I taught there for two years and came across some verrrry interesting students during my time there.
There was Michael, who tried to stab me with some scissors, and gave me bruises on my shins the first day of school when I made him stand up for the Pledge of Allegiance.
There was Ciera, who brought a hedgehog for show and tell.
Ah, and Chole (pronounce 'Cole'), whose parents came into Meet the Teacher night wearing cut off shorts and reeking of smoke, and then informed me (while all UP in my face) that "They didn't do no holidays." I've had plenty of experience with Jehovah's Witnesses, who don't let their children celebrate holidays, birthdays, or say the Pledge, and I have no problem respecting their wishes.
However, this was not the case this time...these people explained to me that they "weren't Witnesses, they'd just read the Bible and did what God told 'em, and he didn't say nothin' about no HOLIDAYS. I mean, I don't want none of that Mother's Day shit...arent' you supposed to love your mother ALL YEAR ROUND? And Miss X, don't you think we should be thankful all year, not just on Thanksgiving?"
Oh, yes they did. And keep in mind, I had a classroom full of other (normal!) parents and students in my classroom waiting to meet me. You can only IMAGINE the notes I got from that family during the course of the year (my principal just rolled his eyes when he saw another note coming from them), and I finally had to whip out my iron fist and prepare for battle with the parents when I heard Chole tell another Kindergartener, while coloring a picture of Santa, "My dad says Santa is the devil working inside you." Gah. Seriously. WTF?
Then there was Joe, who was my first, and unfortunately nowhere NEAR the last, experience with vomit in the classroom.
There was Brett, who I accidentally left locked outside on the playground during a tornado drill (It was a drill! A drill!). I also "lost" Brett one afternoon after school, causing me a full hour of sweating, pacing, and seeing my teaching certificate flashing before my eyes, before it was discovered that he just decided to get on a different bus to go home with a friend. What can I say? He was EXTREMELY short and easy to misplace.
David, whose mother wrote me a vicious letter for letting him get red icing on his new shirt (it was Red Day, for God's sake...read the newsletter!!!) Ooh, and David also pooped in the hallway once. Good times.
And you've got to love the student (though he wasn't mine) named "Tyleiore" (pronounced "Tyler"). I bet he's applied for an official name change by now.
But my favorite story from that particular school was not about one of my students...he was the student of the next-door teacher, who was also a first year teacher right along with me.
One day on the playground, Cody was hanging around me while I had recess duty and we were visiting. I said, "What work does your mommy do?"
"She makes medicine."
"Oh, is your mommy a doctor?"
"No, she makes medicine at home."
Beginning to get curious, I said, "How does she do that?"
"She gets it from the back yard and she puts it in the oven. Then she puts it in a bag and it's her medicine!"
Oh dear.
And if you can believe it, I taught for five more years after that. I think that's enough stories for today, though there's CERTAINLY more where those came from.
Besides my college practicums, my first real teaching experience was student teaching, which I did with Kindergarten and fourth grade.
In the fourth grade classroom, there was an incident during my first math lesson, which was about counting back change. I got a little flustered, and the kids seemed very confused with the way I was trying to explain things, so I called on my cooperating teacher (who was observing from the back) to help me out.
She obliged, and one of the students (a blonde-ringlets-Nelly Oleson-type) said, "Miss X, you need to learn how to teach math by YOURSELF, because when you're a real teacher, Mrs. Z won't be there to help you." I picked up my jaw from the floor, informed her that she was being rude, and then went home that evening and cried my eyes out. I'm a little sensitive like that.
After student teaching, I got a job teaching Kindergarten in a district about an hour from my home. I taught there for two years and came across some verrrry interesting students during my time there.
There was Michael, who tried to stab me with some scissors, and gave me bruises on my shins the first day of school when I made him stand up for the Pledge of Allegiance.
There was Ciera, who brought a hedgehog for show and tell.
Ah, and Chole (pronounce 'Cole'), whose parents came into Meet the Teacher night wearing cut off shorts and reeking of smoke, and then informed me (while all UP in my face) that "They didn't do no holidays." I've had plenty of experience with Jehovah's Witnesses, who don't let their children celebrate holidays, birthdays, or say the Pledge, and I have no problem respecting their wishes.
However, this was not the case this time...these people explained to me that they "weren't Witnesses, they'd just read the Bible and did what God told 'em, and he didn't say nothin' about no HOLIDAYS. I mean, I don't want none of that Mother's Day shit...arent' you supposed to love your mother ALL YEAR ROUND? And Miss X, don't you think we should be thankful all year, not just on Thanksgiving?"
Oh, yes they did. And keep in mind, I had a classroom full of other (normal!) parents and students in my classroom waiting to meet me. You can only IMAGINE the notes I got from that family during the course of the year (my principal just rolled his eyes when he saw another note coming from them), and I finally had to whip out my iron fist and prepare for battle with the parents when I heard Chole tell another Kindergartener, while coloring a picture of Santa, "My dad says Santa is the devil working inside you." Gah. Seriously. WTF?
Then there was Joe, who was my first, and unfortunately nowhere NEAR the last, experience with vomit in the classroom.
There was Brett, who I accidentally left locked outside on the playground during a tornado drill (It was a drill! A drill!). I also "lost" Brett one afternoon after school, causing me a full hour of sweating, pacing, and seeing my teaching certificate flashing before my eyes, before it was discovered that he just decided to get on a different bus to go home with a friend. What can I say? He was EXTREMELY short and easy to misplace.
David, whose mother wrote me a vicious letter for letting him get red icing on his new shirt (it was Red Day, for God's sake...read the newsletter!!!) Ooh, and David also pooped in the hallway once. Good times.
And you've got to love the student (though he wasn't mine) named "Tyleiore" (pronounced "Tyler"). I bet he's applied for an official name change by now.
But my favorite story from that particular school was not about one of my students...he was the student of the next-door teacher, who was also a first year teacher right along with me.
One day on the playground, Cody was hanging around me while I had recess duty and we were visiting. I said, "What work does your mommy do?"
"She makes medicine."
"Oh, is your mommy a doctor?"
"No, she makes medicine at home."
Beginning to get curious, I said, "How does she do that?"
"She gets it from the back yard and she puts it in the oven. Then she puts it in a bag and it's her medicine!"
Oh dear.
And if you can believe it, I taught for five more years after that. I think that's enough stories for today, though there's CERTAINLY more where those came from.
14 Comments:
Oh my heck! More more more. My Aunt has worked in the city schools forever now and I'm always amazed at her stories. Like Kellie said, it's funny but also so sad. So very sad that these people are actually parents!
I would LOVE to hear more stories.
This comment has been removed by the author.
I can't wait to hear some more. How about the kiddo that lived w/ Chelsea? I believe there was many stories to go along with that little angel! You could probably write a book.
See, now that is why i could never be a teacher. Bless you Stacey! And, it never fails, I come to you blog and always have a laugh!!!
Hillarious post and a little sad at the same time. Kids really do tell all, lol.
Love it!!
Oh my gosh, my eyes bugged out when I read about Cody's at-home medicine woman. You must share more. Maybe this will encourage Molly to offer some stories, too!
Oh the flood of memories that came back with those names. And oh how many more stories to add to that group! I laughed out loud so much that my daughter asked me what was wrong! If parents only knew the truth!
Oh my gosh. I never thought to ask Molly for some teaching stories. I know you love her writing as much as I do. Help me hound her!
omg! well, you've given me even more to add to my con list. "kids will try to stab you" and "kids will poop in the hall" jeez, good thing i don't want to teach kindergarten-5th grade.
Haha - LOVE that!!!
One of my shockers was when I went from teaching middle school to preschool. On the first day of having kids, one of my chubbiest and cutest kids demanded at the top of his lungs from the bathroom, Mrs Wayyyyyyyy come Wiiiiiiiipe meeeeeeeeee! (ACK!) (NO!) That was certainly not the last time I had to turn down that request that year.
I love teaching stories.
Oh God. I wonder if my son is his Grade 2 teacher's story. He didn't make it to the bathroom on time and sadly, it wasn't number 1 that was in his pants! Thank God, I was helping in the office that day and could just send him home. When I read the word poop I remembered the smell of him. Poor little bugger.
Oh thank you,thank you. The comments were almost as funny as the post. Chole's family reminded me of that hillbilly family that would show up on "Night Court" now and then. I love it when you make me laugh until I can't catch my breath and tears roll down my cheeks.It's a wonderful thing to make others laugh out loud. It was the Brett story that did me in.
My parents have a fellow RSHS alum that's in the same line of work as Cody's mom. At class reunions, he just says he's "self-employed" as everyone giggles. Oh my!
Post a Comment
<< Home