I had no idea how different my children would be. I mean, same father, same mother, same environment...they were bound to be fairly alike, right?
Ha. Spoken by a true only child (well, mostly - my brother is 14 years younger than me).
Just a few of the contrasts so far:
BIRTH:
Garrett - 24 hours labor, 3 hours pushing required. Epidural needed.
Laura - 6 hours labor, 20 minutes pushing required. No drugs.
INFANCY:
Garrett - Mellow. Cried when hungry.
Laura - Colicky. Screamed non-stop for four consecutive months.
EARLY TODDLERHOOD:
Garrett - No fear. Home-destruction expert. Laughs and runs away when you say "no".
Laura - Clingy. Must have MAAAAAMA. Cries when you say "no".
MOTOR SKILLS:
Garrett - Walks at 9 months. Crazy-good at puzzles and building.
Laura - Walks at 17 months (I kid you not). Still can't do a puzzle, but sings like an angel.
SENSORY ISSUES:
Garrett - Stopped wanting to be rocked at 11 months. Hates to touch anything he classifies as 'yucky' (includes most everything).
Laura - At 2 years 11 months, must be rocked and cuddled many times a day. Loves to touch anything that Garrett has classified as 'yucky'.
FOOD ISSUES:
Garrett - Since age 3, has subsisted on carrot sticks, gummy snacks, and cheese. Cries when "dinnertime!" is announced.
Laura - No one else likes it? Give it to Laura - she'll eat it. Comes sliding around the corner when "dinnertime!" is announced.
Which brings me to my least favorite comparison...
IRRITATING HABITS:
Garrett - Whining. Whining. Bad temper. Arguing. Whining. Whining. WHINING.
Laura - Sloooooow (especially when Mom's in a hurry). Major Temper Tantrums & Tears episodes, which nearly always conclude with that blotchy faced, snuffling, gasping, hiccuping tantrum finale.
So here's my problem. For the most part, I can DEAL with Laura's tantrums. Usually, I laugh at her for a while, and then I pick her up, cuddle her in the rocking chair, and she snuggles into me and calms down.
I feel her pain, because I VIVIDLY remember throwing those EXACT same tantrums until I was aboutfive twelve sixteen whatever. I KNOW how to comfort her. She responds to my 'help'.
But Garrett? The incessant arguing and whining? I CANNOT DEAL. CAN'T. I hate that whining every moment of the day, with my whole entire being.
I have tried "not hearing" him, I've tried punishing him, I've tried sending him to time out until he can talk like a "big boy". But none of it is helping, and it is making him VERY unpleasant to be around.
And the worst part? Nothing I do to try and make him stop even HELPS. He just gets angry. He calls me "BAD MOMMY!". He retreats to his room pouting. He cries and kicks his feet like a two year old.
And that just escalates the whole situation, because I end up so damn frustrated that I scream and yell and throw a, well, yes, a TANTRUM. Because it's WHAT I KNOW, people.
I have always vowed to never show favor to one child over another, but this situation is getting VERY STICKY.
It's hard to admit, but I'll say it very quietly: I love Garrett with all of my heart and soul, but sometimes, I just don't like him very much.
So, advice and commiseration is certainly welcome, but mostly I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.
Ha. Spoken by a true only child (well, mostly - my brother is 14 years younger than me).
Just a few of the contrasts so far:
BIRTH:
Garrett - 24 hours labor, 3 hours pushing required. Epidural needed.
Laura - 6 hours labor, 20 minutes pushing required. No drugs.
INFANCY:
Garrett - Mellow. Cried when hungry.
Laura - Colicky. Screamed non-stop for four consecutive months.
EARLY TODDLERHOOD:
Garrett - No fear. Home-destruction expert. Laughs and runs away when you say "no".
Laura - Clingy. Must have MAAAAAMA. Cries when you say "no".
MOTOR SKILLS:
Garrett - Walks at 9 months. Crazy-good at puzzles and building.
Laura - Walks at 17 months (I kid you not). Still can't do a puzzle, but sings like an angel.
SENSORY ISSUES:
Garrett - Stopped wanting to be rocked at 11 months. Hates to touch anything he classifies as 'yucky' (includes most everything).
Laura - At 2 years 11 months, must be rocked and cuddled many times a day. Loves to touch anything that Garrett has classified as 'yucky'.
FOOD ISSUES:
Garrett - Since age 3, has subsisted on carrot sticks, gummy snacks, and cheese. Cries when "dinnertime!" is announced.
Laura - No one else likes it? Give it to Laura - she'll eat it. Comes sliding around the corner when "dinnertime!" is announced.
Which brings me to my least favorite comparison...
IRRITATING HABITS:
Garrett - Whining. Whining. Bad temper. Arguing. Whining. Whining. WHINING.
Laura - Sloooooow (especially when Mom's in a hurry). Major Temper Tantrums & Tears episodes, which nearly always conclude with that blotchy faced, snuffling, gasping, hiccuping tantrum finale.
So here's my problem. For the most part, I can DEAL with Laura's tantrums. Usually, I laugh at her for a while, and then I pick her up, cuddle her in the rocking chair, and she snuggles into me and calms down.
I feel her pain, because I VIVIDLY remember throwing those EXACT same tantrums until I was about
But Garrett? The incessant arguing and whining? I CANNOT DEAL. CAN'T. I hate that whining every moment of the day, with my whole entire being.
I have tried "not hearing" him, I've tried punishing him, I've tried sending him to time out until he can talk like a "big boy". But none of it is helping, and it is making him VERY unpleasant to be around.
And the worst part? Nothing I do to try and make him stop even HELPS. He just gets angry. He calls me "BAD MOMMY!". He retreats to his room pouting. He cries and kicks his feet like a two year old.
And that just escalates the whole situation, because I end up so damn frustrated that I scream and yell and throw a, well, yes, a TANTRUM. Because it's WHAT I KNOW, people.
I have always vowed to never show favor to one child over another, but this situation is getting VERY STICKY.
It's hard to admit, but I'll say it very quietly: I love Garrett with all of my heart and soul, but sometimes, I just don't like him very much.
So, advice and commiseration is certainly welcome, but mostly I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.
Labels: Siblings
18 Comments:
I left a big ole comment and it got erased. I'm so bummed. I was just saying that I have two children the same ages as yours and the similarities are crazy! Someone told me that 4-year-olds are really into fairness, so I try very hard to make sure everything we do is fair but my son still tears out of the room on occasion screaming, "That's not fair!" 4-year-olds are a tough bunch. Also, don't feel bad about your thoughts on Garrett right now. We've all been there and it's just a phase he's going through. You will both come out of it just fine. At least you're working through it----this kind of thing is exactly why I went back to work. :) So hang in there! We all understand.
My daughter is a mix of Laura's tantrums AND Garrett's whining. My hair is gray because of this. I tried everything, now I tell her she has to go to her room until she calms down. This is for my sanity. She can rant and whine all she wants but she has to stay in her room to do it. She hated to think she is going to miss osmething so she usually calms down pretty quickly.
Don't worry about not liking him very much- that will come & go alot over the next 20 or so years!
Ooooh I can so comment on this. Wait til you add that third child and the whole dynamics will change. Also wait until Laura starts whining. Ben now says You hurt my peelings and get lost, you mean I don't like you. Urgh...I want to scream I DON'T LIKE YOU EITHER, or else I laugh. I tell Hannah I don't speak whinese or would you like some cheese w/ that whine? Mostly I ignore her until she speaks normal, but I think whining is normal for her. Jacob, easy peasy. Happy go lucky child for the most part, but he throws tantrums and didn't start this until he was about 6! Go figure. I totally agree w/ Donna and sometimes I wish they would just go away for a couple of hours. LOL. You are doing great!
Bad news Stacey, the whining doesn't get better with age they just have greater endurance to do it for longer periods of time. Just wait until he is nine and is wanting independance that you are not ready to give him yet! The best is yet to come! You are doing a great job!
Carey
P.S. I tried the "penguins in pajamas" song lyrics this weekend and laughed myself silly. It really fits well!
Aw honey, he's just a baby and he loves you so. my baby boy is driving and feeling up girls, please enjoy him before it gets really scary. love mom
omg it wouldn't let me on to comment so now i hope i remember everything! if you haven't seen "little miss sunshine" you should see that. liked borat. cool cakes liked the dubya one. oh, and i have a binky in my car. love mom
oh and about the tantrums, and very possible the whining, i think they might have genetic predisposition thing. me again, mom
Oh my gosh, I love your mom! Her comment about your brother almost made me pee my pants.
Now I'm scared. You are all making me scared. I thought I was going through the hard years right now with two under the age of three. But what you're saying is, it doesn't get any easier, huh? Damn. I have no advice, only fear.
It's ok not to always "like" your child, Stacey. Garrett is still trying to figure out how to express how he is feeling sometimes and that's why he lashes out at you. Even though he may be able to have a conversation with you, putting into words how he feels about something is harder for a 4 year old. It is a phase and it, like all the other, will pass.
Me again. (Your mom is too funny.) My son knows just how to push my daughter's buttons and the two of them together constantly bickering and battling is more than I can take sometimes. When my son is REALLY on my nerves, it helps to do something with HIM ALONE....like a movie, or the park, or anything else where it's just the two of you. He'll have no competition for your attention and it will remind you what a sweet, sweet boy he really is. Just a suggestion. :)
I got a big whopping spoon full of commiseration. Whining - JUST.CAN'T.TAKE.IT.
I need some wine.
And it's totally okay not to "like" your son. We hear you.
My husband and I just had a very similar conversation about all this just the other night. Amazing how different they can be, and I'm with you when you say you can't take the whining. We can't either. You are not alone, at all. AT ALL!
Holy crap! Your mom's comment was hysterical!!
I really do feel with you here. There have been phases where I haven't completely liked KJ very much either for small periods of time (GOD I wish I could have changed to a smaller font there). We go through harder phases and then things seem to ease up after a while. It also seems that the more we butt heads, the worse things get. I've recently tried being super positive with him even when I have to do it through gritted teeth, and he's responded well. Or, it could just be an easy phase.
I hear you, though!!
My kids aren't quite there yet... but I can tell you that sometimes I don't like my husband very much.
wow. it's so funny. my kids aren't 4 yet, (my oldest is only 18 months) and as i read your post, i kept saying "yep, that's kid A or kid B" wow. i don't know how to help you with the whining, because i have the same delima. this may not help but hopefully he'll grow out of it?
Your mom is a rock star.
(Hey, a "your mom" line that wasn't a joke!)
just travelled over from jenn (gigi)'s blog. this was a great first post to read. i'm so blogrolling you. at the very least, ihave to see what i have coming at me.
My daughter is very similar to Garrett. Sadly, she is 12, not 4. She is, and always has been very whingy. It drives me absolutely mad. I have been known to throw my own tantrums when dealing with her. I'd like to say it gets better, but here I am 8 years on and yeah. Not so much. I just figure that in a few years it'll be the boyfriend who has to put with her and one day a husband. Poor bastard.
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