Six years ago, I hit what was then my heaviest weight. I knew I needed to do something about it, but just couldn't get really, truly motivated. I was newly married and in my first year of teaching, and was very busy cooking huge, beautiful meals for me and my new husband.
I finally hit rock bottom when I read an article in the local paper about a woman who had lost over one hundred pounds. Her motivation? She wanted to be able to take long, luxurious baths again - in other words, she wanted to be able to FIT INTO THE BATHTUB.
I realized, in horror, that if I kept on gaining weight, that I TOO, WOULD NO LONGER FIT IN THE BATHTUB. I freaked out at that miserable thought, and my husband and I started counting calories and each lost thirty-five pounds in four months.
And then, I started having babies and nursing babies, and proceeded to make eating my religion. The first baby left me fifteen pounds heavier than before I was pregnant. Just after joining Weight Watchers when Garrett was eight months old and losing seven pounds, I got pregnant again. That pregnancy left me with the remaining eight pounds from Garrett PLUS another ten.
I took nearly a three year break before getting pregnant again, but continued to EAT like a gestating woman, and managed to pack on another fifteen before getting pregnant with Delaney last December.
After all, I figured since we would PROBABLY have a third baby someday, why bother getting back in shape, eh? Just going to have to go and ruin it anyway when we decide to get pregnant again, right?
So upon getting pregnant with Delaney, I pledged that after this last (*sniffle*) pregnancy, I was going to kick this extra weight's ASS, and kick it hard.
I delivered her in August, and gave myself six weeks to not even THINK about my weight problem. I mean, I just had a BABY. I'm nursing. I CAN'T lose weight right now ANYWAY.
So six weeks came and went, and I decided that since the holidays would be upon us soon, I might as well get through the holidays before even attempting weight loss. Because Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas without EATING MYSELF SICK? Well, what the hell kind of holidays would THOSE be?
Therefore, like every good American woman, I resolved that beginning in the new year, I would lose weight! Get in shape! Eat healthy! Call Weight Watchers, stat!
But really, it's January first. It's not like I can even stock up on healthy foods, because it's a HOLIDAY, and the stores are closed. I'll just get the house cleaned up, put away the Christmas decor, and get everything back in order before embarking on this new "project". So I did some cleaning and settled in to watch a TLC marathon of "Big Medicine" (hoping for inspiration, of course).
So now it's January tenth. Since January second, I have NOT called Weight Watchers, but I HAVE gotten out my old points counter and food journals with verrrrry good intentions.
One particularly motivated evening, I even went so far as to plan out the next days food. The next morning, I drank my coffee with Splenda, measured a measly amount of creamer into my coffee, and ate one slice of whole grain, whole wheat toast with one teaspoon of butter.
And after thinking about food - FOOOOOOOOD - for the next hour, I followed my heathy five-point breakfast with two pieces of fudge I found in the back of the refrigerator. And the day's eating pretty much deteriorated from there.
If I've blown it by flipping EIGHT in the morning, why BOTHER? Just BRING ON THE DAMN FUDGE, ALREADY.
Two days ago, I made my annual purchase of People magazine's "Half Their Size!" issue. Each year, I buy it under the guise of "inspiration to lose weight", but I also secretly revel in the fact that Hey! Those people were LOTS bigger than me (whew!). It's like I'm allowing myself to get JUST as fat as I can, without actually crossing The Line of belonging in the weight loss issue of a national magazine.
I read the issue while eating a brownie. It was delicious.
And also, realized that Hey! Now I COULD actually be in the weight loss issue of a national magazine!
I know that I'm unhealthy. I know that my children deserve to have a fit mother who will be around for a long, long time. I know that my eating habits are setting a horrible example for my children, especially my daughters. I know that I would feel better if I lost weight.
But I also know that I am a woman who has hidden food wrappers from her husband, eaten junk food in secret, wolfed down her children's uneaten lunches, planned lunch while eating breakfast, and planned another dessert while eating dessert.
I've played EVERY. EXCUSE. IN. THE. BOOK. to avoid having to face up to the work and willpower involved in making changes to her eating habits.
I should be at a really happy point in my life - I'm young, my little family is perfect and complete, my marriage is happy, I have the luxury of being a stay at home mom. My life is good - except for THIS ONE THING.
I feel like I'm fighting my own self every step of the way with this - I love to argue SO MUCH, that I am now actually arguing with MYSELF - Don't eat that, you don't need it! But it tastes good! Yes, but it's just extra calories that you don't need! Don't tell ME what I can't eat! I'm not saying you can't eat the cookie - just don't eat FOUR cookies. Pssh. Four cookies my ass. And just for that? I do believe I'll have SIX cookies. HA.
And THAT lovely little dialogue is what goes on in my head every hour, no, every MINUTE of the day. I just don't know how low I'm going to have to go this time to GET IT TOGETHER.
So if you get a phone call from me and I'm stuck in the bathtub, please - send help.
I finally hit rock bottom when I read an article in the local paper about a woman who had lost over one hundred pounds. Her motivation? She wanted to be able to take long, luxurious baths again - in other words, she wanted to be able to FIT INTO THE BATHTUB.
I realized, in horror, that if I kept on gaining weight, that I TOO, WOULD NO LONGER FIT IN THE BATHTUB. I freaked out at that miserable thought, and my husband and I started counting calories and each lost thirty-five pounds in four months.
And then, I started having babies and nursing babies, and proceeded to make eating my religion. The first baby left me fifteen pounds heavier than before I was pregnant. Just after joining Weight Watchers when Garrett was eight months old and losing seven pounds, I got pregnant again. That pregnancy left me with the remaining eight pounds from Garrett PLUS another ten.
I took nearly a three year break before getting pregnant again, but continued to EAT like a gestating woman, and managed to pack on another fifteen before getting pregnant with Delaney last December.
After all, I figured since we would PROBABLY have a third baby someday, why bother getting back in shape, eh? Just going to have to go and ruin it anyway when we decide to get pregnant again, right?
So upon getting pregnant with Delaney, I pledged that after this last (*sniffle*) pregnancy, I was going to kick this extra weight's ASS, and kick it hard.
I delivered her in August, and gave myself six weeks to not even THINK about my weight problem. I mean, I just had a BABY. I'm nursing. I CAN'T lose weight right now ANYWAY.
So six weeks came and went, and I decided that since the holidays would be upon us soon, I might as well get through the holidays before even attempting weight loss. Because Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas without EATING MYSELF SICK? Well, what the hell kind of holidays would THOSE be?
Therefore, like every good American woman, I resolved that beginning in the new year, I would lose weight! Get in shape! Eat healthy! Call Weight Watchers, stat!
But really, it's January first. It's not like I can even stock up on healthy foods, because it's a HOLIDAY, and the stores are closed. I'll just get the house cleaned up, put away the Christmas decor, and get everything back in order before embarking on this new "project". So I did some cleaning and settled in to watch a TLC marathon of "Big Medicine" (hoping for inspiration, of course).
So now it's January tenth. Since January second, I have NOT called Weight Watchers, but I HAVE gotten out my old points counter and food journals with verrrrry good intentions.
One particularly motivated evening, I even went so far as to plan out the next days food. The next morning, I drank my coffee with Splenda, measured a measly amount of creamer into my coffee, and ate one slice of whole grain, whole wheat toast with one teaspoon of butter.
And after thinking about food - FOOOOOOOOD - for the next hour, I followed my heathy five-point breakfast with two pieces of fudge I found in the back of the refrigerator. And the day's eating pretty much deteriorated from there.
If I've blown it by flipping EIGHT in the morning, why BOTHER? Just BRING ON THE DAMN FUDGE, ALREADY.
Two days ago, I made my annual purchase of People magazine's "Half Their Size!" issue. Each year, I buy it under the guise of "inspiration to lose weight", but I also secretly revel in the fact that Hey! Those people were LOTS bigger than me (whew!). It's like I'm allowing myself to get JUST as fat as I can, without actually crossing The Line of belonging in the weight loss issue of a national magazine.
I read the issue while eating a brownie. It was delicious.
And also, realized that Hey! Now I COULD actually be in the weight loss issue of a national magazine!
I know that I'm unhealthy. I know that my children deserve to have a fit mother who will be around for a long, long time. I know that my eating habits are setting a horrible example for my children, especially my daughters. I know that I would feel better if I lost weight.
But I also know that I am a woman who has hidden food wrappers from her husband, eaten junk food in secret, wolfed down her children's uneaten lunches, planned lunch while eating breakfast, and planned another dessert while eating dessert.
I've played EVERY. EXCUSE. IN. THE. BOOK. to avoid having to face up to the work and willpower involved in making changes to her eating habits.
I should be at a really happy point in my life - I'm young, my little family is perfect and complete, my marriage is happy, I have the luxury of being a stay at home mom. My life is good - except for THIS ONE THING.
I feel like I'm fighting my own self every step of the way with this - I love to argue SO MUCH, that I am now actually arguing with MYSELF - Don't eat that, you don't need it! But it tastes good! Yes, but it's just extra calories that you don't need! Don't tell ME what I can't eat! I'm not saying you can't eat the cookie - just don't eat FOUR cookies. Pssh. Four cookies my ass. And just for that? I do believe I'll have SIX cookies. HA.
And THAT lovely little dialogue is what goes on in my head every hour, no, every MINUTE of the day. I just don't know how low I'm going to have to go this time to GET IT TOGETHER.
So if you get a phone call from me and I'm stuck in the bathtub, please - send help.
10 Comments:
You can do this. I know you can. Now tell that voice in your head to shut the hell up.
I'm right with you. There is no reason I've had these last twenty-ish (which used to be twelve-ish until I gained nine-ish over the holidays-ish) pounds hanging around. It's not that we don't KNOW HOW to lose weight. We've been successful before!
This is going to sound terrible, because it is. Before I know I'm going to go on a diet, I spend a day or two (or three) stuffing myself with my favorite things. We hit TGI Fridays, I buy french bread, I eat whatever I want in the quantities I want, until that last night before the diet when I find myself barely finishing a bowl of birthday cake flavored ice cream the size of my head, totally sick.
Then I can start my diet that next morning, knowing how sick that crap makes me. Mind games. But they work? Day four and still faithful.
I'm pulling for you!!
Amen! I know exactly how you feel, well sort of. I don't have kids, but we're trying. I really need to lose some weight before I get pregnant and then once I am, try not to gain a whole lot more. It's hard because I like to eat just like you. I'm thinking of starting the Special K challenge b/c I think I could handle that.
Try some kind of fitness challenge, or just plain old exercise, and then maybe the healthy eating habits will fall into place.
you are SO not alone. I hate being.... chunky. Its only cute on a toddler. :)
If only you could make your WONDERFUL desserts and yet not eat any of the delicious creations, your ass would fall right off. You make the most wonderful things though... The world would not be the same without your yummy talent.
You are a beautiful person with or without your bootie. Its what is on the inside that matters.
BUT, I think if you just set your mind to it you could drop the weight in a sec.
Anyways, it doesnt matter to me what you weigh, I think you are a wonderful, funny, talented, Real Person. That is what matters. :) Love ya, Lucy
You are totally not alone! I 'ditto' all of what you said and then some. And Molly's comments above? I do the same stuff. You can do this, you really can - we are all here for you!
My mother found, what she calls her WLB - Weight Loss Buddy. She found her online and the two of them have struck up an incredible source of motivation with one another - all while being insanely funny. (At last my mom is, I can't speak for the other reason - though I don't think my mom would have kept her if she weren't...)
They are totally honest with each other, when they cheat & what not... Anyhow - it's an idea, and so far it's working for my mother better than anything else has... and all via email!
Stacy, yet another post that almost mirrors my day to day life! How crazy! My reasons for waiting so long (my baby is 4 months old) were exactly the same as yours. Give myself a while to get nursing established and recover from delivery. Then it was the holidays, and who wants to diet over the holidays?
I just started my weight loss effort this week. Its my first venture into this whole 'diet' world, and so far, so good. I discovered though sparkpeople.com that before I was eating like 4000+ calories a day on a typical day. I had no idea. I've cut the calories down to about 1700-1800 and its going well. I'm eating the same thing, but less of them and less frequently. Tracking my eating has really helped stop the temptation to binge. I don't want to have to record that on my food tracker at sparkpeople and SEE how bad it really was for me!
My big thing was NO MORE SECONDS. I'd fill my plate, eat it, be full, but want 'just a little more' because it tasted SO good.
If you want, we can be weight loss buddies!! I'd love to have one.
On a message board I go to they are doing their own little 'Biggest Loser' club. It helped me to get motivated to actually START this whole adventure. I have 40-50 pounds to lose so this is going to be a long, hard journey for me. Its worth it though. I'm sick of 'muffin' top and not fitting into my old jeans. I'm tired of feeling tired, and I'm tired of hating pictures I see of myself because of how huge I look.
You can do this. I can do this. Stay motivated and don't let food conquer you.
Oh I have been so lazy. I check you and Molly each day. Thanks for posting when you are so busy. You and Molly always change my mood for the better. The 2 of you are so good at momming and getting things done. It ain't easy.
Stacey, your post could have been written by thousands of women, me included. And you know what, YOU CAN DO THIS. You already know that you are your own worst enemy on this. Read whatever you need to (I don't get along with my sister but I highly recommend her weight loss blog, it is EXCEPTIONAL), Watch what you need to (The Biggest Loser motivates me), email or call a friend whenever you are tempted, drink water or hot tea when you feel hungry. I start weight watchers again on 1/1 and let me tell you, I am STILL hungry a lot of times. I track my progress and my husband's progress and a few friends, along with recipes on www.bwwi.blogspot.com. Let me know if you want to join as well. I concur with the commenter above - GET A BUDDY to hold you accountable. You can DO THIS and YOU ARE WORTH IT.
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