New Place, UPDATED

I think the coast is clear - come on over to the new place!

Or just stay here and read archives - I swear I'll figure out how to copy them over to the new blog soon!

We now interrupt this regularly scheduled blog...

Crazy Mama fans (ooh, may I call you that? I've always wanted FANS!!!), so sorry for all the confusion the last few days. Private blog! Archives gone! Blogroll gone!

There is a little situation.

I'll tell you ALLLLL the details, but you MUST SEND ME YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS by THIS FRIDAY so that I can send you an invite in case I have to go private again (I don't WANT to be private, but again - THE LITTLE SITUATION, and JUST as I was getting back in the swing of at least writing once a week).

I may even be switching up my address - if I have your email address, I'll be able to fill you in on that too. I guess the upside is, maybe I'll end up with a fantastic new blog design.

So - I promise to fill you in as soon as I have your email addresses. Thank you so much for sticking with me - you guys are awesome.

My email address is:

cakelady@cebridge.net

But it totally saved me the rental fee on a steam-cleaner...SCORE!

Oh, it's been a FINE week in the Crazy Mama household. When I mentioned last Monday that the basement was flooding? SO NOT KIDDING. I mean, it's not like we had a foot of water or anything, or even 3 full inches for that matter, but when you are talking about your completely finished, fully carpeted, walk-out basement? WATER IS WATER.

The picture below is an aerial view of our town. The Finley River runs through the center of the picture. It was taken several hours after the rain finally stopped, but before the river actually crested later that evening. The city park is located under all the water in the middle of that photo.

The road going out of the far left bottom corner of the picture is the road we live on.


I should also say, now that I am reasonably calm (which I was NOT Wednesday morning), that we are very grateful that our damage was so minimal. Many others in the areas surrounding us were not so lucky. Just a few miles away, mobile homes were floating away and people were being evacuated in row-boats.

That said, this still reallllllly stinks. And NO, we do NOT have flood insurance, as we "do not live in a flood plain" (MY ASS!).

This room - our unfinished storage room - was the first sign of trouble. We've had a little water in there before, but NEVER enough to cover the whole floor and then some.


We soon noticed that the very edge of the carpet in the living room, which backs up to the storage room, was damp. Within the hour, it had spread all the way across the room, making it's way to the next room, which happens to be Seth's office (he works mostly from home).

We rented a sump-pump, Seth spent much of the night pulling out what he could with a shop-vac, and a good and generous friend brought a truckload of sandbags, but with six inches of standing water on the west side of our house, there wasn't much that we could do to stop the damage.




And once we realized that the rain wasn't stopping any time soon, we started scurrying like ants, trying to save all of our books, furniture, and Seth's office furniture and equipment. It all landed, piled as high as we could stack, in the back corner of the living room and in the back corner of the spare bedroom, which ended up being the only two dry spots. I'm just glad there WERE dry spots.


I started getting JUST A TAD STRESSED OUT when it reached the stairs. I know it doesn't look like much, but it was enough water to splash when you walked. And delightfully cold and mucky smelling, too!


SOCCER FIELD UPDATE: You can only IMAGINE Garrett's unbridled joy when he realized that the flooding was washing away his soccer field masterpiece (does the boy have some kick-ass timing, or what?).

He very excitedly informed me, "Now you won't have to clean the carpet, mom!". You could practically hear the wheels turning in his head...I! Am! So! Off! The! Hook!

Uh, not off the hook, much as he might have wished. However, I will say that his full-basement illustration actually proved helpful Tuesday evening. I went out to my cake class (thanks again to my friend Carey for helping out with G and L!), and I called on the way home to see how far the water had risen since I'd been gone. Seth's reply? "Oh, it's about mid-field."


Unfortunately, it continued to rain through much of the night, and things only looked worse in the morning. The carpet had to be ripped out before mold could start to set in, and there were no professionals or equipment available since so many others in southwest Missouri were in the same situation. So, my hardworking hubby took off work and spent the day ripping out and hauling away soaked carpet.

Seth's temporary office space leaves a lot to be desired:

Molly, would you just come PAINT my concrete floors? I'm SO DONE with carpeting.

So, to conclude, we've got some OBVIOUS drainage issues to fix, we need a new roof, our kitchen ceiling must be re-textured and re-painted, the mortar is falling out of our front porch and steps, our windows have hail damage, we need two new door frames for the downstairs doors, the bathroom linoleum must come up, the downstairs needs all new flooring, and I've got at least two months of reorganizing to do downstairs.

Let's move on to happier pictures, 'kay? Hope you and your family had a relaxing spring weekend.

Wouldn't be a holiday in the Crazy Mama household without holiday cake orders!

And no, I did NOT choose the plastic pocket watch and Barbie necklace to go with the carefully executed matchy-matchy Easter outfits - that delightful credit goes to McDonald's. Thanks, McDonald's, for handing out crappy plastic jewelry on the weekend that I actually attempted to make my children look decent!

She's so fat she shines - how freaking cute is that? Wheeee!

You might want to say a little prayer for GARRETT'S BEHIND tonight.

A month since I've posted? WHAT? Time sure flies when you're LOSING YOUR EVER LOVING MIND. Seriously, girls. I don't EVEN know where to start. So hold on to your hats - here's a totally random catch-up post (I knowwwwwww - do I do ANY OTHER KIND, lately?)

The cake business is booming, at least most weeks. I've opened my own credit card account and checking account for Stacey's Sweets, and have ordered adorable new business cards.

There is talk of a cake shop in my VERY DISTANT future. Or I'll be back to teaching within the next five years. That is a blog for another day.

I got my second speeding ticket recently. I got a "break" because the cop's wife is a teacher too - he wrote "35 mph in a 25 zone" instead of the actual 37 mph I was really going. I was also accused of "having an attitude". And it cost me two cakes worth of money. Fun times! Again, a blog for the near future.

We're about to enter the annual Month Of Hell at the Crazy Mama household - my birthday, hubby's birthday, Laura's birthday, and our anniversary, all in the month of April. At least Easter is early this year!

I finished reading "The Other Boleyn Girl" and am now obsessed with learning about The Middle Ages - "Elizabeth" is waiting for me in my DVD player as we speak. I also bought "A New Earth" and "Pillars Of The Earth", but haven't started them yet. My mind can really only handle verrrry simmmmmple worrrrrrds at the moment, and both of those seem slightly intimidating to jump into.

My husband and I went out alone, to see a grown up movie! WHEEEE! We saw "Juno", and it was fabulous.

We're THREE FOR THREE on "Old Ladies Shaming Us Publically For Our Bad Behavior At Walmart" - can't WAIT to blog THAT one - you'll love it. Yes. I have been called out THREE TIMES now at Walmart by COMPLETE STRANGERS. Can you even believe I was allowed to have children? Um, maybe don't answer that.

I finally got SO sick of the constant toy disaster that I call a home (and Garrett and Laura's continual refusal to clean-up at night without crying, whining, and much dramatics) that I actually took ALL THE TOYS away, down to the very last Lego. I haven't taken the photographic evidence yet, but there are six giant trash bags in my storage room. I expect to make a small fortune at the consignment shop in the very near future.


And before you report me to Child Services, I did let them keep ONE small tub of toys and their play kitchen. Don't worry - they have found PLENTY of other ways to entertain themselves...

Our basement is flooding right this VERY moment, and I think the ceiling in the kitchen may actually fall in tonight.

I'm an official soccer mom - Garrett had his first practice tonight!

Delaney's 6 month well-baby checkup is tomorrow - remind me to tell you why she will actually be 7 and 1/2 months old at the appointment. If you ever think I had it together (why would you?), you WON'T after you hear about that.


I instituted a behavior policy in our house, a-la-former-kindergarten teacher, which worked miracles for approximately 52 hours.


See how it's not working NOW? Witness: MY SON IS IN REALLY, REALLY DEEP SHIT.





In case you're wondering, the pictures above are Garrett's rendition of a soccer field (plus one train picture, thrown in for good measure, I guess) covering my ENTIRE BASEMENT, all done in BLUE MARKER. I was cooking supper at the time, and my husband I were both present in the house. I had just given the markers back three days ago (after the incident back in August where he drew on my brand new couch in red marker).

I have no words, people. NO WORDS (except for LOTS AND LOTS OF BAD ONES). But Delaney seems to know exactly how I feel.

Walmart Disaster #642

When my friend Emily and I were about nine years old, just on the cusp of learning to be real smart-asses, we had a fun little game of embarrassing her mom at the grocery store.

We hated having to be dragged along on errands, so when we got bored, we would shuffle and limp very slowly behind her (to make it look like she was neglectfully leaving us behind), and, in the very stupidest, most ridiculously moronic, and most importantly, LOUD voices we could muster, we'd follow her around wailing, "MO-OOOOOM! Wait for meeee!"

It always elicited a delightful response from shoppers. Delightful for US, I mean. Certainly not delightful for Emily's mom.

I KNEW I'd pay for that someday.

When Garrett refused to move out of the grocery store aisle for oncoming cart traffic, I apologized to the customers he was holding up, then pulled him aside for a little reminder of how we act at the store.

Two minutes later, he was at it again, so I pulled him aside, gritted my teeth, and discreetly swatted his bottom (because I hear people will REPORT you for child abuse if they see you giving a child a WELL-DESERVED SWAT).

So when he still refused to cooperate, I pulled out my patented Ear Pull, in which I firmly pinch just above the ear lobe and then steer the misbehaving child right back into behaving.

Unfortunately for me, my own Mother-Embarrassing days as a child chose this particular moment to come back and haunt the hell out of me.

For when I put the Ear Pull into action, Garrett chose NOT to behave, but to SCREAM, at the top of his lungs,

"YOU'RE MAKING MY EAR BLEEEEEEEED!"

So while horrified shoppers gaped at the POSSIBLE CHILD ABUSE happening right in front of their STARING EYES, I firmly grasped his shoulder, leaned down, and whisper-yelled (you do know the "whisper-yell", yes?), "You WILL stay behind me or in front of me, and you will NOT get in the middle of the aisle AGAIN, do you UNDERSTAND me, little MISTER?", and then I tapped his toes with my foot for emphasis.

But as we all know, karma is a real bitch.

"NOW YOU'RE MAKING MY TOES BLEEEEEEEED!"

And then, we got the HELLLLLLL out of the store as quickly as possible, which is really not that quick at all when you're holding the crying baby who won't sit in her carseat, attempting to steer an overfull cart with one hand, and trying desperately not to cry.

The moral of this story is either:

A) Do not make big grocery trips with three children

B) Lock your five year old into his room until he learns to quit acting like a brat

C) Start sneaking a flask of tequila into Walmart.

I'm leaning towards ALL OF THE ABOVE.

The rut? Is in danger of turning into a ditch.

My girlfriends, most of whom read my blog, are always asking why I don't blog more often. "You used to blog EVERY DAY! I miss you!" Or they're calling me, wondering if I'm okay, "because you haven't blogged for TWO WEEKS!" My mom even wonders where the heck I disappear to - "At least post some pictures of the kids, would you?"

The truth is, I just feel lately like there's not a whole lot to say. When I started this blog, I had just quit my job to be a stay-home mom. Every day involved some kind of new adventure. These days? My days go a little something like this:

1. Make coffee. Reheat four times before I finally get around to drinking it.

2. Start the dryer at seven in the morning, in hopes of actually unloading it before the sun sets.

3. Unload the dishwasher. Wash dinner dishes from night before.

4. And in between those three main things, I am driving to and from preschool, filling cake orders, fixing meals and snacks, changing diapers, breaking up fights, sending people to time-out, supervising arts and crafts, teaching Delaney to eat baby food, and answering a bazillion-thousand phone calls. Now and then, I even treat myself to a trip to the bathroom - all alone (oh, the wicked decadence of it all!).

My life just feels really un-blog-worthy. I'm not depressed, just stuck in a rut. I guess my daily to-do list is the same as any stay-home mom, but I just don't think I'm handling it as well as most.

And the "my kids did the most AWFUL thing today" stories? What once seemed funny when they were two and three just feels embarassing to admit, now that they are four (almost) and five.

Today on a particularly bad trip to Walmart (uh, wait - has there ever BEEN a good one?), a sweet little grandmotherly type approached our cart. Was she there to praise the preciousness of my children? No. She walked right up to my (very badly behaved children), pointed her crooked little finger at them, and said "You need to straighten up!" Needless to say, one of the lower moments in my life as a mother.

So, yeah - nothing that I'm very proud to report.

So now would be a good time to fire away any questions you feel like asking. Because me? I've got NOTHIN'.

Guest post

Hello blogland! My mom is really busy doing stuff like retrieving socks from the fridge,

and prying my sister's underwear from my chunky little fists,


but she said if we'll all just leave her alone for an hour tomorrow, she might actually have time to blog. So until then, just feel free to admire me. And all my rolls.

Love,

Delaney

And then the clouds parted, and rays of light shined down from the heavens

The last two months have been so difficult. When we brought Delaney home in August, things just seemed to come together so quickly. After about a month, I felt more or less recovered from my C-section, Delaney was often sleeping through the night, and Garrett and Laura were happily back in preschool.

But then the holidays came around and things just spun out of my control. My eating was out of control, my spending was out of control, my laundry was out of control, and my children were out of control.

And then, to top it all off, we all got sick around Thanksgiving and haven't really been well since - our usual Perpetual Winter Cold / Sinus Infection / Cough, which has hit Delaney particularly hard. She ended up having to do breathing treatments for a few weeks, and is currently on her third round of antibiotics in less than two months for yet another ear infection.

Currently, my husband is out of town for three days and my house is trashed, courtesy of Moon Sand (Oh Ye Craft Of The Devil).



So this afternoon, having had ENOUGH with the craziness and no one to HELP MEEEEE, I re-instituted NAP TIME for my older children.


Three children, napping at the same time? That, friends, is a miracle. It's like The Perfect Storm, in a good way. I am certain that this will never happen again. So...