Cake Hell - Day 4, CONTINUED

The cake has been carved and this is one of the tiers with a crumb coat of icing on it (a thin coat of buttercream to seal in the crumbs). Now I stick it in the fridge to firm up before I put the final coat of icing on.
While the cakes are chilling, we take a little snack break. I figure the oven's been on all day (remember, I also had to bake the baby shower cakes and the Herbie cake), so we might as well keep on baking. Plus, it's been sleeting / snowing all day and we are WAAAY cooped up.

See my marvelous creativity when it comes to my KIDS? Those are not even slice and bake...all you have to do is dump these out of the bag and put them on the pan. But they are seasoned with love. Heehee. (And also, if you look closely, you'll see that every surface in my kitchen is covered with plastic-wrapped cakes, waiting for room in the freezer.)

Another "Mommy's Little Helper"...frozen lasagna. That's about all anybody gets to eat around here when I've got lots of cake orders. Again, it's totally seasoned with LOVE, and that's all that matters. Right?
The crumb coat has set up on the cakes, and they are ready for the final coat of icing, which must be VERRRRY smooth so the fondant doesn't bubble. This is as smooth as I could get it.

After rolling out a massive lump of blue fondant (which was really hard, and took forever), I roll it around my rolling pin and drape it over the cake. It wasn't quite big enough, and I ended up with some creases along the base of the cake. But that, my friends, is what FLOWERS are for - hiding things. And all these years, you just thought they were there to look pretty.

The middle tier (pink) turns out even worse. LOTS of wrinkles and crinkles, and even further up, which will make them even harder to hide. The way the cakes are tapered at the bottom is making it very difficult to get the fondant smooth. Grrr.
Now, don't be alarmed at the next photo. I had decided that I couldn't make EVERY tier "tilt-y" like the Mad Hatter cake I'm copying, but that making a crooked top tier was possible.

Let me just tell you, it was frightening. It's tapered AND tilted (and a little wobbly), which makes it super hard to ice and fondant.

My fondant job SUCKS on this one. I have lots of things to hide. GRRRRRRRR. But please don't lose confidence in me yet...I'm pretty sure I can still pull of a beautiful cake. At least I'm telling myself that repeatedly. And then to top off the day, after I'm all irritated that I did so badly with the fondant and the doubts are starting to creep in, I discover that my children have done THIS to my Oreo (read: DRUG) supply.

Up next: Decorate 2 baby shower cakes, Herbie cake, and add embellishments to each tier of the Mad Hatter cake (but it won't be totally finished and assembled until Saturday...you think I'm driving with that thing put together????)

Cake Hell - Day 3

Today was fondant coloring / flower making day.

It was also send my children to daycare day, because if I have to hear "It was an ACCIDENT!" or "WHHHHHHYYYYY???" or "She/He TOUCHED meeeee" or "Can I say poopy? Can I say bottom? Can I say pee-pee?" ONE.MORE.TIME. I am going to shove fondant in someone's ears. So to daycare they went. It was for their own safety, people. Even stay at home moms need a day off.

Below is what the fondant looks like. One is packaged and one is unwrapped. Fondant is a soft sugar coating that gives cakes an incredibly smooth finish.

Working with fondant is kind of like rolling out and cutting play-doh (though MUCH stiffer...my arms are sore). You ice your cake, then lay the rolled out fondant over the cake. It is perfectly edible, but a lot of people just take it off because they don't like the taste or texture (me included).

And some people have asked how I got into making cakes. Well, I spent many days at my Granny's house watching her decorate cakes for family, and poring over her old Wilton catalogs. Then, when I was pregnant with Garrett, I decided to take "Cake Decorating I" at the local craft store. It taught the basics, which I'd really already learned from Granny. Shortly thereafter, I signed up for "Cake Decorating II", which taught simple flowers. And the other class I took was "Fondant I".

And then people starting asking me to make cakes, and I started charging for them. I have exactly $79.62 in my cake account to date. Ha. Hahahaha! Such a LUCRATIVE business I'm running here.

Anyway, the fondant:

Below is the fondant mid-kneading. I knead it to soften it up, then add paste food coloring and work it in until it's the color I desire. This one will be purple. You have to keep everything (counter, fondant, hands, rolling pin) dusted with powdered sugar because it is very sticky. It also dries out very quickly.


The next picture is all of the finished fondant, about seven pounds of it, to be exact. I have labeled each bag to remind me what I'm doing with each color / amount.


These are the blossoms that will decorate the cake. They are made of fondant and are drying in flower formers, which are just curved plastic that give your flowers a more natural, curved shape (instead of being totally flat). They will dry hard and I will attach them to the cake with buttercream icing.


The last picture is the rest of the embellishments for the Mad Hatter cake: two sizes of leaves, pink, blue, and purple fondant roses, and a fondant bumblebee and his wings. You can't tell, but the bee and the wings are sparkly...I wet the fondant a little and sprinkled edible shimmer dust on top. The bee's head is held on with a toothpick, and the wings also are attached to toothpicks. Hope no one bites into those.

Good grief. I am tired and my feet HURRRRRT. I'm going to go take a bath with a fizzy aromatherapy bath ball.

Also, I'm sorry if I usually read and comment on your blog everyday...I haven't even had time to check my bloglines today. I swear I'll get caught up soon!

Up next: The hard part: Icing, carving, stacking, and putting the fondant covering on each cake tier. I will also be baking the baby shower cakes and the "Herbie" cakes tomorrow.

No margaritas have been necessary yet. But they may be needed tomorrow. Tonight, DoubleStuf Oreos and anti-anxiety meds will suffice.

Cake Hell - Day 2

So this is the first step. Mixing the batter...here's my "Not A Kitchen-Aid, But It Still Works Fine" doing my mixing work for me. Five bucks at a garage sale...can't beat that!

These are the two 6 inch layers baking- I will be doing four more layers today, the 8 inch and the 10 inch.

And, NO, I don't know why one is smooth and pretty and the other is brown and crinkly. But that doesn't matter, because I'm going to slice that top part off anyway, otherwise known as "leveling".

And one more matter - YES, I realize that my oven is in desperate need of cleaning. Um, I do have the "self-cleaning" feature on my oven. And I even use it now and then, but always forget to sweep the burned up stuff out of the bottom. That "self-cleaning" thing is very deceptive. It is only "partial-cleaning", as far as I'm concerned.

Here's the two cakes, baked, leveled, and torted (sliced in half). The two cakes in the back are torted at an angle, to give the top layer that "Mad Hatter" tilted look. I'll put these in the freezer and they will eventually become the top tier of the cake. I'll do the 8 and 10 inch layers exactly the same way.

When I level the tops of the cakes, those leftover scraps go in one of two places - the trash, or someone's mouth. Here is my daughter, acting as Quality Control. I mean, you do have to make sure the cake is GOOD and all! (She deemed it perfectly moist, delicate, and delicious - or "Mmmmm!!" in toddler-ese.)

What feels like the 28th load of dishes so far. Okay, I'm exaggerating a BIT. But those pans are not cheap, so I don't put them in the dishwasher. Plus, when I'm baking many cakes in a short time span, there's no time to run the dishwasher between bakings. I am developing a SERIOUS case of dishpan hands.

Okay. So I'm going to skip along, here. At this point, all three tiers of the cake are baked, leveled, and frozen.

I have also dressed and undressed my children two times, made breakfast and lunch, taken three phone calls from friends, washed (and dried, and folded!) four loads of laundry, cleaned gum out of my dryer (I know, I know...I STILL haven't learned my lesson about checking pockets), cleaned up a gigantic toothpaste mess in the kids' bathroom, taken Garrett to school, and watched Young and the Restless.

Now it's time to decorate the Sheet Cake to Serve Fifty, which will be picked up tomorrow.

Homemade Almond Buttercream icing. It is heaven in a bowl, my friends. Heaven in a bowl.

Here's the finished cake for tomorrow. I believe it will serve more like one hundred. You could definitely say my portion control issues extend into my cake baking as well as my personal eating habits.

On tomorrow's agenda: Coloring fondant, and making leaves, flowers, and a bee to decorate the Mad Hatter cake. And maybe a nervous breakdown, just to add a little excitement!

Yes, I know you're tired of hearing about cake...PART 1

This is a huge week for me as far as my cake "business" goes. I have four orders:

1. Sheet cake to serve 50. It is already baked and frozen (makes a moist, easy to decorate cake). I must decorate it tomorrow.

2. Cake for a friend's baby shower, must deliver by 1:00 Saturday.

3. A "Herbie" 3-D car cake, must deliver Saturday evening.

4. And the big, scary one that makes me a little nauseated every time I think about it, which is constantly? A three tier, fondant covered "Mad Hatter" cake. Specifically, THIS EXACT ONE, though mine will not be quite as tilt-y.It is going to take me all week, and must be set up, yes, on Saturday at 10:00 a.m. What's with people having all these parties on SATURDAYS? Sheesh.

The first three cakes are a breeze. The fourth cake is NOT. However, I have been paid a lot of money to make and deliver a perfect cake, and I will. I hope.

So this week, my blog is going to be devoted to cakes. The baking, icing, and decorating of many cakes. My own little cake soap opera, if you will.

Will they all get done in time?

Will she trip and fall while delivering the cakes?

Will the forecasted ice and snow prevent prompt deliveries?

Can she figure out how to assemble a "Mad Hatter" cake, with no previous experience or professional training?

How many cakes will the two and four year old destroy?

How much icing will be ingested straight from the decorating bag?

So beginning tomorrow, through Friday, I will be blogging all about the preparation, assembly, and decoration of all four cakes, and will hopefully be posting pictures of the process (if Blogger cooperates, that is).

I'm doing this partly to help myself stay organized and on task, partly to give you something to read when you take the time to stop by my little corner of the net, but mostly because this week? I've got nothing on my mind but CAKES. And lots of 'em. Wish me luck.

More marital weirdness

So my husband and I are in our shared bathroom, getting ready to go out and do some grocery shopping (I know! The passion! The love! It is all around us!).

I ask him to get me some more Carmex from underneath the cabinet. While digging around under there, he discovers a new toothbrush, stashed there since our last dentist visit.

"A new toothbrush! I've been needing this...the dentist said we should be changing our toothbrushes at least four times a year, and once a month would be even better."

"What?!?" I reply. "That would be like, $100 a year on toothbrushes! Ridiculous!" I say.

And from there, the conversation strays into this:

Husband: You know, I've always thought about buying stuff like that in bulk. You know, stuff we'll always need, that can never go bad. Like a case of toothbrushes. And Q-tips. Q-tips never go bad.

Me: Why in the hell would we buy cases of Q-TIPS? We'd probably be dead before we could even use them all. God.

Husband: But the kids could still use them!

Me: NOOOO! The kids can't use dead people's Q-tips. You are disgusting!

Husband: It's not disgusting! They're NEW Q-tips. It's not like we would have USED them. I figure when Grandma and Grandpa and Mom and Dad are gone, I'll raid their houses for Q-tips, cottonballs, and toilet paper. We'd never have to buy that stuff again. Think how much money we'd save!

Me: I am not using DEAD PEOPLE'S leftover toiletries. Ugggghhhh. *insert major eyerolling*

Husband: Waste not, want not, I always say.

Um, I guess since my husband is the one paying the bills these days, he can be as cheap as he wants.

And I really shouldn't complain, because somehow he gets the bills paid every month, and we haven't lost our house or car yet.

But friends, I draw the line at using Dead People Q-tips.

A List! (Thanksgiving edition)

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I've made the side dishes that I bring every year, and they are waiting in the refrigerator, just waiting to be transported to Granny's house and eaten.

If you're wondering, one of them is my great grandmother's Orange Salad (cottage cheese, orange jello, mandarin oranges, and cool whip - so 1950's, isn't it?) and the other is The Stuffing.

For every year that I have been considered an adult by my family (that's 6 years...I was not officially an adult until I married), I have made The Stuffing. And I have used a different recipe every year. I am hoping this year will be a winner...I used a Paula Deen recipe with lots of butter, so how could it go wrong? I mean, other than the bread that was drying in the oven that I forgot about, causing some major smoke, but NO FIRE! So, uh, I did have to re-do that part. But other than THAT.

Along with every other person who celebrates Thanksgiving, I'm thinking about what I'm thankful for this year. Here's my top five:

1. My extra flab. WHAT?!?!? Well, I figure it means that we're doing well enough for me to grocery shop often, and to eat. To eat very well. And that is an excellent thing.

2. My husband. He is such a wonderful guy. He probably would have EATEN the burned stuffing. And he's hot. So many of my friends are going through trials with their spouses lately, and I realize every day how lucky I am to have him. I love him ever so much, despite his odd Lego obsession (more on that later).

3. My friends. In high school, I was one of those people who KNEW a lot of people, and most people KNEW me, but I never felt popular. I was friends with lots of groups of people - The Athletes, The Smart Kids, The Stoners, The Country Kids, The Popular Kids - but I never felt like I REALLY fit in with any of them.

And now, at thirty, I feel like I have more friends than I've ever had in my life, and they still come in very diverse groups - Teacher Friends, College Friends, Childhood / School Friends, Mommy Friends, Scrapbooking Friends, and Blogger Friends.

I love the diversity, and I've finally realized that I don't HAVE to fit into one certain group. The groups don't come together as one very often, but that's okay. I can be scrapbooking with a group of girlfriends one night, at the park with another mom the next day, and call up my favorite College Friend for a drink that night. I love the INTEREST that it brings to my life.

4. Scrapbooking! To paraphrase Jennifer, a scrapbooking friend, scrapbooking, altering, and creating things feeds that six year old girl inside me, the one who has always loved to make a mess, color, glue, and make things sparkle with glitter. It makes me so happy, and I have met so many cherished friends through this special kind of art.

5. Staying home. I longed to stay home for years. The wish finally fell in my lap last May, and it has been a harder job than I ever thought it would be. I was terrified of walking out of my classroom, where I at least knew what I was doing.

I still have really terrible days, filled with temper tantrums (mine AND the children's), unimaginable messes, tension, and stress. But that comes with ANY job.

I love that I can wear elastic-waisted pajama pants with a t-shirt ALL DAY LONG and call it "dressed".

I love that when I go "out" now, it's a really special occasion and I can really appreciate getting all fixed up.

I love getting to watch Oprah, or take a nap, or take a bath at two in the afternoon if I feel like it.

I love that I can help my son make Jello dinosaurs the minute he asks me to, instead of saying, "Maybe this weekend".

I love that I get to hear an excited, drawn out "Hiiiiiiiiiii!!!" from my daughter every morning, knowing that I have the whole day ahead to enjoy her.

I love the freedom of not having to GO to a job every day. I am right here in my own home, and most of the time, my husband is home too, working downstairs in his office. This is the way I always wanted it to be, and I think I'll look back on these years as the best of my life.

Or that could be just be my excellent medication talking. But whatever. I'll take it.

Everybody have a great Thanksgiving!

Husbands should be seen, but not heard. That is my new rule.

Me: Dinner! Come on, everybody!

Husband: Why did you give me the end of the pumpkin bread?

Me: Because you're the only one in the house that likes crust.

Husband: I never said I liked it. I just eat it.

Me: Hmm. That's funny. I remember you rolled your eyes at me while I picked the crust off my sandwich one day, and then proceeded to tell me that "all the nutrients are in the crust - it's the most important part of the bread."

Husband: I was just KIDDING when I said that.

Me: Oh, yes? Like you were "kidding" when you said that "nicotine makes people have to poop, and that's why smokers have a cigarette first thing in the morning"? Ooh, or like you were kidding when you recited to me an entire story you'd "read on the internet" before I told you that I WAS THE ONE WHO TOLD YOU THE STORY IN THE FIRST PLACE? You've got to stop making things up - just because you say something does NOT make it a fact.

SILENCE

Husband, who does not know when to stop: I can't believe you bought a mix for pumpkin bread. My mom always makes real pumpkin bread.

Me: I am a woman of the 21st century. I don't have to make real anything, if I don't want to.

Kids: Why are we havin' pumpkin bread?

Me: Because it's pumpkin season! BUT! Did you know, that thanks to the wonders of modern culinary science, we can have pumpkin bread any time we FEEL LIKE IT?!?

Husband: Glares.

Me: After finding the tiniest, most miniscule piece of orange mystery chunk in my bread, I hold it out on my fingertip for my husband to behold. Look! A piece of pumpkin rind! Just like homemade. Do you feel better now?

Blog neglect! Blog neglect!

I guess this is just what happens when one is busy kicking off the holiday season! This last weekend has been a busy one for me...MANY cake orders, MUCHO Christmas shopping, and MOUNTAINS of laundry and messes (oh, ye makers of washable markers - I praise thee!) to clean.

Actually, I've just returned from Christmas Shopping - Round Three, and have not actually eaten a meal today. I'm also really in a hurry to watch my Young and the Restless tape and see if we find out today Who Killed Carmen Mesta.

I know I will have time for some good writing tomorrow, but for tonight, I give you this:

I have not been to the mall for MONTHS. If you all remember, there was, um, shall we say, an INCIDENT at the mall a few months back. Anyway, I was at the mall this evening (believe me, it was a necessity, because I do not go there for fun. Do you hear me, Donna, you mall-loving-freak?).

And do you know what they've done to our mall? They've gotten rid of the plain old hard mall floors and have replaced them with CARPET. Lovely for walking, don't get me wrong. I felt like I was practically floating along puffy piles of pillows. But it's the MALL, people. Carpet at the mall? Has anyone ever heard of a carpeted mall, or is it just another strange Missouri thing? AND! What if there is another INCIDENT? What then, internet? What then?

I'm even wearing an apron

First, thank you to all of you that left such sweet comments about my cakes / scrapbook pages. I am truly flattered. And I promise that I'm done showing off for a while. But my ego thanks you for the boost.

I really like to post every day, but I've been AWOL for a few days on my blog (and on reading everyone else's) because I've got a bunch of cake orders (they always come in huge bunches - four at once, then none for two weeks). So my kitchen is jammed with cake, icing, a two year old begging for a "wick" of icing, and a four year old wearing a chef jacket and hat (not helpful, I assure you), and I just haven't had time to string together any clever posts.

But Cake Stress Weekend is almost at an end, and I'll promise I'll be back! I've been saving up tons of funny hubby / kid stories to share with you all.

I'll be writing posts in my head while I mix, bake, and frost!

My trusty assistant.

Cake blog!

I will not be putting a link from here to there, or from there to here, but I thought I'd let you all know that I've got my cake site up. I've been working on it for a while. Now when people call, or I give out my card, they have a place to see some of my work.

Obviously, a lot of people who read my blog either live very far away and will not be ordering cakes, and the rest of the people who read my blog have already been ordering cakes for a while. But go have a visit, anyway!

www.staceys-sweets.blogspot.com

God is always the answer

The scene: Trapped in the car, with nowhere to go. Of course.

Garrett: Was I at your wedding when you married Daddy?

Me: No, you weren't there.

Garrett: Then where was I?

Me: You just weren't there.

Garrett: Was I at Nana's?

Me: No.

Garrett: Was I at my little school?

Me: *sigh* No. There was no Garrett when I married Daddy.

Garrett: But then where was I????

Me: God was just waiting to give you to me and Daddy.

Garrett: How did God give me to you?

Me: You grew in my tummy, after Daddy and I were married.

Garrett: But how did I get into your tummy? And how did I get out?

Me: Well, um, eh, uh, because God can just do very special things. *turns radio up as loud as possible*

I don't think I like Four. I would like to go back to the Spitting Up-Crying All Day-Eating All Night phase, please.

Back in the saddle again

I had a great time at the scrapbooking crop Friday night! For the last several months I've been purchasing and hoarding scrapbooking SUPPLIES, but have not actually created many pages. However, Friday night kicked off a nice, long weekend of scrapping for me!

Back when I was working, scrapbooking provided a fun, relaxing, creative outlet for me to record special moments with my children.

Now that I am with them all day, every day, I'm so worn out from dishes, laundry, breaking up fights, listening to PBS kids, arguing with a four year old (note to self: STOP THAT), mending boo-boos, and being the resident chef and bus-girl, that by the end of the day, the last thing I'm feeling like doing is recording on paper my overwhelming and neverending love for my children. All I feel is "OVERWHELMING" and "NEVERENDING".

So the fact that I'm scrapping again says a lot about the state of my mental health and well being. It might even say that I'm adjusting to being a stay at home mom.

*I really apologize for the picture quality. I'm about as good with cameras as I am with computers. And I don't think I can scan 12x12 pages on our scanner.

"Generations"

My son, husband, his father and grandfather:

"Black Embroidery"

My granny is making a pink poodle skirt for Laura. I'll put a picture of her in the skirt on this page:

"A Magnificent & Marvelous MESS":

"BOO":

"Lovely"

This is Laura wearing a pillow-case dress her Granny made:

More pictures, scroll down to next post!

Back in the saddle, Part 2

"Garrett's Fourth Birthday" (two pages):

"Forever"

This is my mom with my daughter on the day she was born. The journaling says, "A grandma holds our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever.":

"The Lineup"

This page celebrates my son's OBSESSION with lining things up and organizing them:

"Live, Love"

This page is Laura having fun with her daddy. The journaling just talks about how much fun they have together and how I hope that they will always have a close relationship:

"Carve"

This layout is this year's pumpkin carving fun! I really love it, but my picture taking ability is crappy, so you can't see the beautiful hand beaded stitching down the center of the page. Grrrr:

"Waiting"

My favorite layout (at least for the moment). This is me and the hubby while I was pregnant with Garrett. The words on the right say 'grateful', 'imagine', 'dream', 'miracle', 'love', 'wonder', and 'happiness':

"Chocolate...It's A Girl Thing!"

This one is in honor of Laura's recent Oreo disaster. The background paper has chocolate bars on it, and there are ribbons and buttons accenting each picture:

Random Bits

1. I had a slight scare this week. I was two days "late" and freaking out. Four (negative!) tests later, ALL IS WELL. However, I think I realized for sure that I DO want another baby eventually. But not now.

2. Garrett has unrolled yet ANOTHER roll of toilet paper (that brings the total to 7). I charged him $3 from his piggy bank for the wastefulness, which, combined with change from my car, is just enough money for a Starbucks.

3. I get to go to a scrapbooking crop night tonight. Wheeeeee! And if Blogger will allow it, I'll post pics of my completed projects.

4. I like to microwave my ice cream for 15 seconds so that it is nice and soft. Is that odd?

5. I think I'm going to start substitute teaching one or two days a week after Christmas. I miss teaching, especially around this time of year. This is always the perfect time of year at school - holiday activities, first of the year chaos is over, and you're nearing Christmas vacation. And for Kindergarten teachers like myself, the kids have finally learned to sit still, raise their hand, write their names, and possibly read a few words.

6. It's good to be a Democrat right now.

7. Fat Friday update: Still fat.

8. My step-dad took Garrett to a movie last night, AND it was 80 degrees here in southwest Missouri. Which left me with some much needed alone time with my daughter:

Everybody have a great weekend!

Send help

I've been a little behind on my blog-reading and commenting. If you are used to my frequent comments on your blog, I'm sorry that I've gotten behind. But I have some good reasons:

Like this...

...and this...

...oh, and this too.

So here's the story:

A few weeks ago, my hubby commented that we were really getting a pile-up of laundry. I told him I was doing my best, but the dryer was taking about four rounds before the clothes were actually dry, meaning that at best, I was only able to complete about two loads a day.

"Why didn't you tell me that before?" he said. And so it turned out the hose was full of lint, as the dryer had been pushed up too close to the wall, compressing the hose. When he was done with his repairs, I found that I could wash, dry, and fold one load of laundry in less than an hour. Awesome!

So I got all caught up, sometimes even doing extra small loads, just because I COULD. I was patting myself on the back for being such an efficient housewife, and delighted at all the time I was saving.

I should not have done that.

Because yesterday, I removed a load of laundry from my Super Great And Fast Dryer, and behold! Purple clothes! And a purple dryer barrel! And a little girl who is banned from using crayons for the next six months! Oh, and also, a little girl who should have all the pockets removed from her pants!

(Side note: How do I know it was Laura? Because after putting that load of jeans in the washer, I noticed Garrett still had a lot of dirty clothes on the floor in his room. I asked him to gather them up for me, and he picked the clothes up off the floor AND promptly opened the little drawer of his bedside table and pulled out five pairs of dirty jeans. Which would be ALL of his jeans. Why, friends? Why does he do these strange things? How exactly does one decide, "Hey. I think I will stuff all of my dirty jeans into a tiny drawer"?)

So. After throwing a major mommy tantrum about the state of the laundry (which included, of course, the one and only pair of jeans that fits me), I proceeded to call every mom friend and family member I have, surveying everyone's thoughts on how to clean the clothes AND the dryer.

The clothes turned out to be a fairly simple affair, if you disregard the part about carrying a forty pound basket of dripping wet clothes across the house. I ran a tub of hot water, added a very liberal amount of OxyClean powder, and soaked the clothes for about 4 hours (thanks, E!). Then I attempted to wring them out (denim does not wring out well), washed them on hot with detergent and more OxyClean, and presto! Stains gone, completely GONE! I am amazed. I am also a bit winded, as I can no longer breathe in aforementioned jeans.

However, the purple dryer barrel was another affair entirely.

Magic Eraser? Apparently crayon in the dryer is the one thing these don't remove.

Windex? No. I was halfway inside the dryer scrubbing furiously when the fumes started making me feel a little funny, like maybe I wanted to crawl inside the dryer and take a short nap.

Oops Stain Remover? No. Again with the fumes, and possibility of my dryer bursting into flames when I turned it on.

Toothpaste? Nope. Turns out, it only whitens your teeth.

WD-40? This is what the Crayola and various cleaning websites recommend. We do not own any. And again with the possibility of burning my house down right before the holiday season.

Prayer? Still trying.

Put Old Wet Rags In Dryer With Heat On High, Hoping The Rags Would Soak Up The Residue? It was a last, desperate attempt, people.

When I ran the wet rags through, no purple came off on them. So I went ahead and threw a load of wet laundry in, and they also came out fine. I am perfectly willing to live with a purple stained dryer. It gives it character. Also, I am unbelievably lazy. (I dust like four times a year. Do you really think I am going to spend hours scrubbing the inside of my dryer?) However, I do get a little jolt of panic every time I open the dryer and see the glaring purple stains.

And just when you think that was all the fun I could handle for one day...while I was making the phone calls, soaking the clothes, and attempting to de-crayon the dryer, my children were apparently unrolling two spare Giant Rolls of Charmin down the stairs. We will be wiping with strips of toilet paper from HA-HA an enormous trash bag for the remainder of the week.

Oh, and lest I forget, they also spilled a large Sprite on the floor, wrote on the wall with a crayon found under the couch, unrolled the remainder of toilet paper in both bathrooms, changed clothes three times, dumped two bowls of BooBerry cereal (minus the marshmallows, of course) over the stairs, and made some ketchup and chocolate syrup sandwiches.

Note to self: Stop letting children eat only freeze dried marshmallows for breakfast. Could be source of problem.

BEWARE: Sweeping generalizations, potentially offensive opinions, ranting, and whining ahead

If you voted today, good for you! No matter how you voted, I think every American has a responsibility to take advantage of this privilege.

I do not vote strictly Democratic. I have actually voted for Republicans and Independents in the past. But I try to do my research and use my common sense, and it usually tends toward liberal Democratic. I am educated, I'm opinionated, and I feel like I make responsible decisions.

I love discussing political issues with friends who share differing political views, and I do not claim to know nearly enough about politics. I appreciate people's differing opinions...it takes all kinds of people and thoughts to make up this beautiful, crazy world we live in.

That said, this is my blog and I will bitch if I want to. This is my space to empty out my head, even if you never want to read me again after this.

I have GOT to get out of the Bible Belt. I haven't seen an election go my way since Clinton was in office. And by the way, Bill Clinton was hung out to dry for not being able to keep it in his pants, but Republican elected officials who sleep with young gay men and pastors who buy meth just have "character flaws" and the country has decided that God will forgive them because they are good Republicans? When did God join a political party? Did I miss something? When did WE start deciding who will be forgiven?

Embryonic stem cell research has been the hot issue in Missouri. For every "Vote NO on Amendment 2" sign I've seen, do you know how many "Vote YES" signs I've seen? ZERO.

I wanted to get one for my yard, but was literally afraid someone would egg my house, or worse, burn it down. I'm really not kidding. This is a very conservative (and gun-happy, because God is totally cool with guns) area, and I'm tired of being made out to feel that I am a bad person, that I don't believe in God, or that I am immoral because of my position on touchy political subjects.

I go to church every Sunday, I pray and read my Bible, and I was baptized long ago. I try to be kind to everyone I meet, I do my best to teach my children good morals and good manners, and I will drop what I am doing to help you if you need me. However, it is becoming apparent that I have one major character flaw...I have fairly liberal political views. Shhh.

I get the feeling that our country has unofficially made Republicans synonymous with God-fearing. And I, for one, do not buy it. It is nothing but a shameful power play by some strategically placed politicians, hidden behind the word "God". I know way too many people, for example, who have voted no for stem cell research, saying it's immoral and condemned by God, yet they have not ever said a prayer, bothered to darken the door way of a church, or even done any RESEARCH on the amendment itself. And some of them can totally out-swear me AND drink me under the table. But they can still use the morality card? That just doesn't compute. If you don't believe in something, awesome! We can't always agree! But does religion always have to be the scapegoat?

Now go ahead. I'll pause so you can pray to save my soul from eternal damnation, if you are so inclined.

So here's the way it's looking, at 11 pm:

MO Amendment 2, to advance Embryonic Stem Cell Research? Missouri says NO.

MO Amendment 3, to tax cigarettes (4 cents per cigarette)? Missouri says NO.

MO Proposition B, to raise the minimum wage to $6.50? Missouri says YES.

The moral of the story?

Apparently, a lot of Missourians are deeply concerned for the frozen embryos, but not quite as concerned for the children and adults living with painful, life-threatening, and degenerative diseases. But don't you dare put another tax on their cigarettes. Oh, and would you like some fries with that?

Gah, I love Missouri. I know the above statement does not apply to everyone that voted on those issues, but you've got to admit the results all add up to make Missourians look a little like, um, uneducated hicks? Just a thought.

There. All done!

So now I will sit and wait for you all to stop coming to my blog ever again.

I just can't help it. I guess the devil really gets a hold on me around election time. That must be it.

A girl and her politics

Can I just tell you all how much I love election day?

Wooooo!

Like, I love it so much that I am up early in the morning getting ready to go do my civic duty as an American. For a woman who has to be dragged from bed by a four year old whining, "I'm want FOOOOOD" over and over, that is saying a LOT.

I wore my red, white, and blue, and also my goofy I-Can't-Stop-Smiling-Because-I-Am-So-Proud-To-Be-A-Voting-American-And-Look-What-A-Good-Example-I'm-Setting-For-My-Kids smile.

I packed my purse with Skittles, gummy snacks, stickers, and gum, in preparation for the long wait in line. But lo! There was no line! I was in and out of there in 20 minutes, and my children did not make so much as a PEEP.

I drove to my voting spot with that ridiculous grin glued to my face, giddy with patriotic excitement, with butterflies in my stomach, trying to explain voting to a two and four year old (try THAT), all pumped up to go rock the Stay At Home Liberal Mommy Vote, knowing full well that this afternoon my mother and all my Republican friends will go cancel out MY vote later today.

There is just no place like America!

So, that said,

Did you???

#101, Part 3

The third and final installment of 101 Things I'd Like To Do Before I Die:

71. Visit Hershey, PA and have a chocolate spa treatment.

72. Milk a cow.

73. Make a real, baked cheesecake (instead of Jell-O no-bake).

74. Learn to make my grandma's butter-horn rolls. Mmmmm.

75. Bake a loaf of bread.

76. Ride in a hot-air balloon.

77. See Jimmy Buffett in concert one more time.

78. Go to a taping of the Oprah Winfrey Show. Preferably the "Favorite Things" episode.

79. Learn sign language.

80. Know the freedom of being 100% debt free.

81. Meet my far-away blog friends in person.

82. Teach a scrapbook class.

83. Get a hot stone massage.

84. Wear really RED lipstick.

85. Have my palm / tarot cards read.

86. Eat fondue (there's a really neat fondue RESTAURANT at the Plaza in K.C.).

87. Go on a carriage ride at Christmas time.

88. See the "Spooklight" in Joplin, Missouri.

89. Learn to ice skate.

90. Ride a horse (mule?) to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

91. Gamble in Vegas.

92. Be an aunt.

93. Learn to change a tire.

94. Save the princess on Super Mario Brothers.

95. Learn to play Texas Hold 'Em.

96. Make a balloon animal.

97. Go sailing.

98. Feed a horse an apple.

99. Go tubing behind a boat.

100. Vacation on a remote, tropical island for a minimum of two weeks.

101. Experience weightlessness at a space camp.

101 Things, Part 2

Picking up where I left off yesterday:

34. Learn my way around the lake.

35. Learn to drive the boat.

36. Spend two weeks in Sedona, Arizona.

37. Grow my nails long all by myself (that means stop PICKING at them).

38. Experience unmedicated childbirth, and nursing, one more time.

39. Make a souffle.

40. Have a girls only spa retreat weekend.

41. Shake the hand of a great president (I'm soooo looking forward to '08...).

42. Have a will drawn up.

43. Attend my 20th class reunion looking H.O.T. (2014!)

44. Age gracefully.

45. Learn to make my own jewelry.

46. Watch a sunrise. Um, I think I did that a time or two in college, but I'd like to try it again in a "better state of mind", shall we say.

47. Walk really gracefully in super high heels.

48. Visit Japan.

49. Plant and tend a successful vegetable garden.

50. Have a strawberry patch in my yard.

51. Purchase a new sofa / loveseat / chair. We've never bought our own, brand new furniture. But K, if you're reading this, I'm never giving up that downstairs sofa. Mmmmm. Heaven.

52. Get laser eye surgery (I have 20/400 vision. I can't see the big "E", people.)

53. Visit the amusement park in Cedar Park, Ohio and ride every roller coaster.

54. Read the entire Bible.

55. Volunteer for those less fortunate.

56. Play on a softball team. Well, after I learn to quit ducking when I see a ball coming, that is.

57. Go to New York City at Christmas time.

58. Volunteer for a local or national Democratic election campaign that I'm passionate about.

59. Be a "room mother" when my kids are in school.

60. Visit all the Laura Ingalls Wilder home sites in the United States.

61. Publish a children's book.

62. Break my sugar addiction.

63. Ride on a motorcycle.

64. Buy my mother a really extravagant gift.

65. Put my family member's oral histories down on paper. You know, all those family legends and stories that get told at Thanksgiving.

66. Volunteer at the hospital as a "baby rocker" for the preemie / ICU babies.

67. Buy a brand spanking new car.

68. Get one more tattoo.

69. Get a super short haircut (I've never gone much above shoulder length).

70. Jump in a big pile of leaves (I did that as a child, but have a craving to try it as an adult.)

#71 - #101 coming up next!

Post Number 101, Part 1

Since we all know I love a good list, and since this is post #101, I thought now would be as good a time as any to start my list of 101 Things I'd Like To Do Before I Die.

Not to be morbid, or anything...I've always thought about making a list like this, because nothing satisfies me more than checking stuff off! This list should keep me busy checking stuff off for the next forty years. I'll post it in smaller increments for easier reading.

Here's #1-#33:

1. Learn to sew.

2. Watch a gymnastics competition at the Olympics.

3. Crochet a blanket.

4. Have one of my scrapbook layouts published in a scrapbook magazine.

5. Read "Wuthering Heights".

6. Take a pottery class.

7. Go to Greece.

8. Visit Rome.

9. Teach my kids to ride a bike.

10. Teach second grade.

11. Go on a float trip.

12. Teach my kids to drive.

13. Watch my children graduate from high school.

14. See my children get their college degrees.

15. Go to Africa.

16. Be a children's librarian.

17. Take a cruise.

18. Get down to my goal weight of 145.

19. Make peace with my body.

20. Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower.

21. Be awarded Teacher of the Year.

22. Rock my grandchildren to sleep.

23. Be a great-grandmother.

24. See my first class of kindergarteners graduate high school (2012!)

25. Open an adorable little bakery and cake shop.

26. Learn to make perfect icing roses.

27. Attend my childrens' weddings.

28. Get in the habit of taking a walk every day.

29. Learn to love fruits and vegetables.

30. Learn to snow ski.

31. Learn to waterski.

32. Own a really big diamond something (other than my wedding ring).

33. Build a house (with dormers and a wraparound porch) on a secluded piece of land, with trees all around it.

Next up: #34-#70

Happy Halloween, belated

These are Garrett and Laura's trick or treat buckets. I made them myself using new gallon sized paint buckets and my scrapbook materials. Perfect size for holding TONS of candy.


I like for my children to coordinate for Halloween. Two years ago, they were both sheep and I was a farmer. Last year, G was a dragon and L was a princess (a very ill mannered 18 month old princess, actually). This year, G told me he wanted to be a lion, so I decided L could be a cat. You know, keep it all in the feline family. But then, G saw this T-Rex in a catalog, and good grief, what kind of mother would I be if I didn't allow my dino-obsessed son to have the opportunity to actually BE a dinosaur?


I had a coupon for a Halloween photo shoot, so I went ahead and had professional "costume" shots done. I'm glad I did, because I have no other decent photos of the kids dressed up. Um, two and four are NOT the most cooperative ages for good snapshot-taking.


We have a great neighborhood for trick or treating, and the weather was actually quite nice, so we decided to brave trick or treating with no strollers, wagons, or driving this year.

Laura eagerly ran up to each house, every time, and yelled "TWICK O' TWEET!!!!" at every door. And she even said thank you, though the people crazy enough to actually offer the bowl of candy (instead of just dropping a piece in her bucket) got rewarded with the uncontrollable delight and greed of a three foot tall sugar freak, digging out piece after piece of candy while saying very seriously, "Just two. JUST TWO." Yes, Laura. If two means EIGHT. Now get your hands out of the bowl. She did start getting tired on the last street, and made a break for another family's wagon.

Garrett, on the other hand, had apparently used up all his energy asking me, "Is it trick or treat time yet?" approximately 561 times between seven a.m. and five p.m. He was asking to be carried by the third house. On the last street, he actually dropped his bucket and sat down in people's yards while his sister went up to the door. Ah, Cooperation, where art thou? Will I ever know ye?

When we got to our next door neighbor's house, I carried (dragged?) him to the door myself, muttering, "I paid sixty dollars for these costumes, you are NOT sitting in another yard and letting free candy just pass you by." Because I am a good mother. A caring mother.

So after we put the kids to bed, I immediately reverted back to my nine year old self. Meaning I sat down and eagerly began sorting the candy - um, I mean, checking the candy for needles or poison. Back in the day, I would have sorted it into brands, but now that I am a mature adult, two simple categories, "Chocolate" and "Other Crap", do just fine. I put the candy in the pantry so the kids couldn't get into it without my approval. Don't worry, they're getting their junk - I've been doling out candy at nine in the morning (and twelve, and three, and six o'clock) for three days in a row now.

What's that, you say? Have I been in front of the pantry sneaking candy for most of the day? Um. Yes. Yes, maybe I have. I mean, all that sugar will positively rot their teeth. Just trying to be a responsible mom and get rid of the junk. For the children. I do it all for the children, people.

It's SO fun being a girl

First, a warning. If you are not a woman, you should probably not read this post because it very well may just gross you out, make you sigh with disgust, and wonder who in the hell allowed me to publish things on the internet.

That said, I have a little situation. During "that time of the month", I depend on various forms of "feminine products". You also need to know that I never, never, NEVER get to go to the bathroom alone. I mean, I try to sneak away when the kids are occupied, but they have some sort of bizarre radar for MOM IS GOING PEE...LET'S GO GET HER!!! I have mentioned before that my bathroom visits always turn into a full-on production - the blow dryer comes out, the toy animals get in the tub, the toilet paper gets unrolled, snacks are brought in, and sometimes, when I'm lucky, there are even balloons. Really.

But anyway, I have been busted several times lately while changing my "feminine products". Now before you get concerned, they didn't see anything gruesome, just me unwrapping and sticking on a new "feminine product". Of course G and L asked REPEATEDLY what it was. I was understandably flustered, so I just told them it was a "big-girl band-aid".

They seemed fairly satisfied with that answer, so I figured I had escaped further explanation. But last night, G came to me with a folded up washrag stuck inside the front of his Spiderman briefs...a "big-boy band-aid," he informed me. I told him to "Get that out of there right now!", to which he responded in major whine mode, "But you need those band-aids in your pants. I need one toooooooo!"

So before he goes to school, or church, or Grandma's house, and decides to tell the world about the "big-girl band-aids in mommy's pants", what the heck do I do here? Just leave it alone? Call it another name? Help, blog-friends! (And telling me to lock the bathroom door will not help...the damage has already been done.)

Once upon a time in my house...

...tupperware containers used to be for food. They are now used as hats.

...buckets used to be for mopping. They are now used to give plastic animals "baths" and flood my floor with water.

...laundry baskets were once for carrying laundry. They are now used as stepstools for reaching high cabinets and all other things supposedly out of a child's reach.

...masking tape was used to fix things. It is now used for making hopscotch squares on the downstairs carpet.

...eggs were for baking cookies and other delicious things. They are now breakable items that make grand and delightful messes when mommy is turned the other way.

...spoons were for eating ice cream. They are now used for stirring mommy's bathwater while she attempts, in vain, to take a peaceful bath.

...colanders were for draining noodles. Now? For filling with dirt and planting with lima beans.

...toothpaste was for brushing. It is now being squirted in gobs down the bathroom sink and cements the drain shut.

...soap was once for washing dishes. It is now a tool of discipline for children who call each other butt-heads.

...towels were for drying yourself off. They are currently being used as doll beds, picnic blankets, and Superman capes.

...the television was for my pleasure. It now plays a constant and irritating rotation of PBS Kids, Nickelodeon, and Disney channel.

...cotton balls were for removing nail polish. They are now used to make an igloo for a child who has to take something for "i" show and tell tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, I'm still trying to convince Blogger to let me post my Halloween pics. Coming soon!

And also...Mrs. S finally had baby Zoe last night! Go send her some love and admire her lovely new daughter!

C.H.O.C.O.L.A.T.E. Is that clear enough for you?

While all of you bloggers out there have already posted your adorable Halloween pictures and Trick or Treat stories, mine will be fashionably late. Which, if you know me at all, me being late should not come as any big surprise.

But this time, it is NOT my fault. I couldn't post last night, as I was in a Halloween induced sugar coma. And I haven't been able to put up pics today because Blogger hates me.

So, just to give you SOMETHING for taking the time to stop by my site today, here is a recipe. Because I have got chocolate on the brain.

Stacey's Famously Easy Chocolate Chip Cookie Bars

1 batch of homemade cookie dough (OR 1 large roll of refrigerated cookie dough)
8 oz. softened cream cheese
1 egg
capful of vanilla
1/2 cup sugar

Press half the cookie dough into the bottom of of a pan. I used an 11x7 pan, which happened to be the size on the top of the stack, so I grabbed it first. Beat up the cream cheese, egg, vanilla, and sugar until smooth. Pour this mixture on top of the cookie dough. Drop remaining dough randomly on top of the cream cheese layer. Eat any leftover raw dough if you wish. Bake at 350 for about 30 minutes. Cool. Eat. Eat. And eat.

Your mouth will thank me. Your ass will not.